Is your mat worn through?

LIFE: Are you deliberate with yours? Sitting on a holey mat?

Ryan has been deeply moved by this line: "Pick up your mat and walk." It's changing the way he lives and thinks. I am beginning to believe it is the key to the window for the warm winds from the south to blow into our relationship. Joy, risk, memories, living uninhibited by the Spirit. Freely loving, freely giving, freely receiving... No expectations. Giving all with perhaps (but not really) nothing in return. Sucking the marrow out of life.

He's mentioned it in our conversations lately, but I realized that Jesus has littered my life with this "secret." This is off topic, but don't you love how he spreads the wildflowers over your life? Here and there you may find familiar petals... I heard a couple of "messages" coming through the static but this one stands out... CHOOSE LIFE. (This time, I'm not necessarily talking about abortion/pro-life - although, you know it does hold a special place in my heart)... Anyway...

Let's get back to "Sucking the marrow out of life." It seems He is beckoning the rose to begin blooming in my soul. For the warm winds of the south to blow on the tightly bound bud... A few days ago, I was struck by a series of blogs by Jason Holdridge, a pastor in Ohio... Ponderings on Henry Thoreau's writing...

Here's a snippet of Thoreau and then Jason's response...

"We must learn to reawaken and keep ourselves awake, not by mechanical aids, but by an infinite expectation of the day, which does not forsake us in our soundest sleep.

The ability of man to elevate his life by a conscious endeavor...this is what it means to be human. To possess a will all its own, free to chose, free to alter life by the effortless unveiling of his or her own personality. This unique brand each soul is impregnated with has boundless potential and possibility, and is, at every moment, able to be attached to and be dispatched into time and space. The elevation of one's life and the life of another is, in Thoreau's words, the most encouraging fact he knows to exist.

And then today... Mr. Rain City here in Seattle muses about soil...

It's about the soil - If there's no problem with the seed, and no problem with the sower, it's clear that the problem is in the soil. That would be you and me friends - we're the soil. This would be depressing news indeed if we believed that there was nothing we could do to prepare the soil of our heart to better receive God's seed. I know strict Calvinists who believe precisely that, believe that we have no power whatsoever to prepare the soil of our hearts to receive what God has to offer, because our hearts are incapable of ever choosing wisely. The problem with this line of thinking is that, if it were true, all the exhortations in the Bible about caring for our hearts, guarding our hearts, choosing life, seeking God, and loving God would be pointless noise, like telling a man with no hands that the key to really living is to play Beethoven Piano Sonatas.

But of course, Jesus does tell us to follow. He does invite anyone who is thirsty to come and drink. He does invite us to choose life. Unless all these invitations are entirely bogus, it appears that we do have some role to play in preparing the soil of our hearts. There are choices we can make that lead to life.

Mmm... I feel the tugs of his gentle hands... Silently and invisibly peeling back the layers of green, slowly revealing the deep red of my soul... His warm breath causing each petal to expose its inside to the world. "Choose life, daughter. Pick up your mat and walk. Awaken, oh soul. Will your will..."

So choose life in order that you may live... Deuteronomy 30:19...

Teach me, Papa. Walk with me Jesus. Enable me, Holy Spirit to choose life.

It's time to throw my mat away. How about yours?

Snake-like.

Do you ever become tangibly aware of our need to be rescued? I don't know why, but I think most days I am really convinced that I can do things on my own. I don't think I'd ever say it, but I think I unawarely try to live by my own might 99% of my day. And most days I have a prideful perspective of myself - thinking that I am better, can live life more "successfully", love Jesus and do this whole Christian thing - pretty darn (I did write out da** - but decided to delete it, hehe) well. I guess, it's just to show the extremity of the blindness I live most days with...

Last night I faced myself, pity and wanted to defend myself til the end - even at the expense of Ryan's heart and emotions.

"It wasn't my intention," "Why does this have to be such a big deal anyway," "Fine, I'll just shut myself down then..." (me)

Not only that, I didn't WANT to see it his way because it wasn't the way I was seeing it. And when he asked for forgiveness for reacting over a petty thing, I didn't WANT his grace or to be graceful. We talked this morning and I realized that I hate the way my sin affects other people, but I don't like having to receive grace for my failures. In fact, I'd rather be punished. I felt that way after the accident yesterday, "Just take me to jail now! I'll go..." With Ryan, my thoughts go more along the line, "I quit. This is too hard. Why, don't you break up with me already."

On the way to work today, I had such a revelation of how deceived I am - actually believing that I am living this life on my own... It's so humiliating to even admit - I mean come on - it's the basis for faith and Christianity, "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." Oh it's despicable, friend! I am abhorred by the reality that I think I could live even a second in my own might. And it's not even just a second that I believe I'm doing it! It's most moments of everyday!

Ahhh... I feel like I've only had a glimpse at how royally screwed up (I am) we are as a people. As the human race. We really are on the same playing field. All of us 3 strikes OUT times a billion...

How do I stay in this place of humility and not try to rise up and strike back out of my groundedness? I feel like a snake. Eating dirt... And striking back when I realize there is nothing I can do to defend myself, protect myself... I think I always thought that when we're going through the line seeing Jesus that there would be people walking up to shake his hand... Haha... Stupid, I know... but I feel like he's revealing to me that we will all be on our knees crawling up the hill. Each of us... Me.
---
I read this blog on Herod... Seems to make sense... Clear depiction of my heart right now... Feeling threatened, unguarded, broken...

The Darker Side.
Pastoral Musings from Rainy City
http://raincitypastor.blogspot.com/2008/12/darker-side.html

yesterday.

I stumbled across this blog that clearly speaks so much of my heart's mumblings today.

(Mind you, I just opened it in my Google Reader and my ponderings below are from this morning)

I sat at Forza this morning, without any coffee, wondering how to navigate this world. It seems like it is magnified ten times larger than what it was a few weeks ago. I feel that even the "simplest" things like "letting go" and "being loved" (and so many more) are such foreign concepts - leaving me with the reoccuring thought, "I just don't know."

I realize how inept I feel to think, see or even breathe. I am in NEED. As I meditated on Jesus being the perfect reflection of the Father, as well as a model for us living, I see how far I've come in trying to figure out life on my own.

I was brought Acts 17:28 this morning. As I read its context (vs 24-29), I discovered a God who is the source of life yet needs nothing of that life... Yet for some reason, he gives us BEING so specifically. BAM. Bethany enters the world of existence at the perfect time and place. He wanted her to be Asian but/and he wanted her to live in the United States of America. "Perfect! I'll invent adoption," he resolves.

Next, we see Him as Emmanuel (he is not far from each one of us). The One who has stepped beyond the role of creator and into the realm of his creation. He breathed me into existence at the one and only perfect time in all of time. But it doesn't stop there. He became the progressive/life/blood of my day to day existence. I navigate moment by moment only by His grace. For in him [I] live and move and have [my] being. Only through Him will I be loved, learn to be loved and learn to love, and love others. He is my compass, life vest and ship all at the same time... Wow. Take a breath and let that sink.

...It doesn't stop there though... I didn't ask the question... but the Scripture answered me anyway. (I think He was just covering all the bases, because sooner or later I would ask.)

WHY?

God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him.

He yearns for the love and affection of His created ones. He wants me. He wants me to know Him deeply. He wants me to walk with Him and see the passions and depths of His heart. He wants to share HIS secrets with me. He wants me to be on His team. He wants to be sought and understood.

He's the one who's taught me that I long to be desired. He's the one gave me a heart to be loved.

Which way is up?

I'm not sure these days.

Everyday feels unknown. What will I feel? How will I see life? Is my heart even beating?

And then there's His perspective. In my "perfect storm" does He see the calm of His own Spirit within me? With every breath that I breathe His name is whispered on my lips. Yah-weh. Are you still there? Though I feel so lost, He's said I am perfectly found.

Last night I feel like I hit the wall for the 10th time in the past three weeks... More than frustration, anger or pain - the only words that kept coming out of my mouth were "I just don't know..." I felt like an infinitely spinning top. Or the someone spinning on the Wheel of Fortune - $5000 per letter or bankrupt?

Since I exposed my heart in the previous blog, I've decided to dive a little deeper... Or rather, let you venture a little bit further into the darker/deeper parts of my heart. "I just don't know." And in this moment, I'm talking about love and relationships. Remember the lion inside. I feel like he's gotten loose and though he seems to be happily prancing around in my life, I'm not quite sure how to deal with him... In fact, I have so many more questions than I did a few months ago when I originally wrote that post. I feel like a woman on a ship trying to navigate the dark waters of the open sea.... but let's talk a bit more about that lion inside of me... The picture I keep seeing is of a young lion whose just been released from its cage and is happily bounding around, full of life and joy... It's kind of surprising because I don't necessarily feel lively and joyfilled today. But maybe it's not necessarily about what I "see" with my physical eyes...

In the world of this lion, I just don't have any answers. What is love or falling in love supposed to look like? How do two people with past hurts learn to receive each other and show grace? Are relationships supposed to be complicated? It seems the further I have traveled down the road of my relationship with Ryan, the more I realize my incapacity and my inexperience of truly loving. It's funny because Ryan always tells me that I so sincerely love people more than he's ever seen someone... but lately it's not felt that way. The Bible says love is long-suffering. Talk about unchartered territory... You know, my mom told me yesterday that relationships take work. And I know in my heart that no man will ever be perfect and the standards that I have are meaningless in the eyes of the Lord - for he searches the heart of man. Just how long is, long-suffering with someone that you're dating? Is it supposed to be such an intense journey at the beginning? There's an echo in my heart that wants to believe that "it's going to be worth it all." That the humility that's birthing in my Spirit, the recognition of my inability to live or love without Jesus, the way I feel known and sincerely cherished like no one has dared to go before - is where I truly desire to be. I want to hold onto this. I really do. It's what I really want. To have someone go to the depths of my heart and still love me. To dive into the deep and be able to surface without fear or intimidation, but a love of the adventure, the unknown, maybe a bit of nervousness and anticipation, but a desire to dive in deep again. But I am so afraid.

I have also felt an inability to receive kindness and love. Honestly, I just don't believe or trust that it's real. I don't want to be this way.... Can I tell you a secret? I really want to be loved. I want it so badly, but in all of this stuff I like to call "mess" - I am so afraid. Like a kid who hasn't eaten in ages - who gobbles up the food but first stares at it with hesitancy - pondering it's reality, wondering if it's really for him! And while he's eating it - is so consumed by the fear of not having it that he cries the entire time he eats it. Plagued with questions - Will I have something to eat tomorrow?

I read a blog today by Jason Holdridge. I cried. It's a simple account of an evening he had with one of his daughters to the Daddy-Daughter dance. He recalled the evening of fun and joy. His delight in the beauty of his daughter, the simplicity of tangibly pouring out his love... And at the end of the night while they danced to Bryan Adams, the little girl wept in her daddy's arms. "Dad, when we have good nights like this together, it makes me want to be with you forever." I would love to copy and paste the last two paragraphs for you, but I'd rather have you experience the whole story... So read it and come back to my blog.

So that's that. In all that I am... I desire to hear this, "I will always be with you. I will never leave you. You will always be [mine] no matter where you go or what you do. O.K.?" And you may be thinking I'm talking about the Lord... but in this moment, I mean my love... Or potential lover (husband). It's what we all desire, right?

Oh God, that you would teach me to love this way. Be my headlamp as I dive deep. Though the pain may ring in my ears, release the pressure from my soul and take me deeper. Give me vision for the adventure of the unknown. Keep me aware of the dangers and make me a "smart" diver. It's scary, Lord. But will you help me, please?

worlds apart.

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
"dull the nails that still remain"
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
"dull the nails that still remains"
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

visuals.

marco...

...polo!

It feels like it's been ages since I've written... And looking at the date of my last post, apparently it's been more than just a feeling! Not that it makes too much difference in your world of blog reading, but I have THOUGHT about writing multiple times since my last post.

So why the sabbatical from writing? Honestly, there's been so much going on through my mind and heart I haven't been sure where to start or what to divulge. For the past month or so I've gone through so many circumstantial changes and they've all bred a wide spectrum of emotions, discussions and ponderings. I guess it's been one of those seasons that I have yearned to write and just "get it all out there" but been unsure as to how censored or uncensored I should allow my heart to be. Do you know what I mean? And then there's the other factor that my life isn't necessarily my own. Most circumstances today involve real people... Real hearts. And eyes to read my blog. Not that I would want to harm anyone with words... It's just that being exposed right now requires exposing the lives and hearts of other people - who may not appreciating their lives broadcasted into the homes of my friends and readers (whoever may be out there still reading!)

Do you mind if I just give you a recap of some of my circumstances and introduce you to the hampsters that have been frequenting the wheels of my mind?

• Church. Ah... Officially, I have left and am in the process of transitioning from my home church of four years. If you've traveled this road before, I'm sure you understand the challenge, the heartache, the freshness, the complete rawness that almost seems to take over your heart and mind. At least that's how it's been for me. More than anything, I feel like I've been left with more unanswered questions than any answers. What was the Father's intention for His Bride? The organization of church? What does my "call" have to do with church? What role do shepherds play in this expansive field of life and what does the Word have to say regarding them? What will Jesus say really - about this happy little Christian life that I am trying to live? What is He thinking about our organizations and each of the sheep right now? When and how did I so quickly lose focus from my first love? Although I've hated religion, how in the world did I become enslaved to it and how do I get free? And some simpler questions - is it okay just to be a participant in church on a Sunday morning? My heart is so hungry and has a hole longing to simply receive. A deficit of the substance of the Word of God in my life feels staggering. I find more Jesus in a coffee shop and a love song than in the building I attended. Oh God. Desperate for your mercy. Desperate for your love. Love of God become my calling.
• Boy. Perhaps more appropriate words include man, boyfriend, significant other. That's right. I've been dating a fella for about 2 months now. Ryan is his name. I don't know about you - but over the 26 years of my life, I can count the number of guys I've dated on one hand... I don't necessarily know how this affects how a relationship is "run"... I don't think it does at all... but all I know is how desperate I am for heavenly wisdom and understanding. More than in any other, I've found myself unwilling to live in denial about the reality of our relationship. Only a couple weeks into it, we exited the honeymoon stage. I don't know if it's just me or what, but it seems that I am unable just to keep things at the happy surface level. It doesn't take long before my heart flops out on the table and must be dealt with... Friends, I have sincerely enjoyed my relationship with Ryan but can I just tell you that it's been so extreme. I feel like I've faced every emotion possible. Everyday it seems more of our hearts (individually) have been exposed. I feel like I am more aware of this fleshly beast inside of myself and the tenderness/love of the Spirit of the Living God more than I have ever experienced. I've felt the pain of someone else's sin, the grace of God over my emotions, His mercy covering my deliberate choices of seeking out fleshly desires, confronted the intensity of physical desire, witnessed the unsensical amounts of God's grace flow in and out of my heart and mouth, been overwhelmed by the number of tears that two eyes can produce, confounded and without answers, exposed more of my own heart and pressed into some scary waters of conversation - ALL without knowing what is at the end of this road. Like most passionate people whose world's first collide - I'd say we both thought this was IT! In fact, we - along with our friends - wondered why we hadn't yet explored a relationship together as it seemed almost perfect - TOO good to be true... Today we find ourselves taking one day at a time... My intention for this post isn't to diminish any of the good of our relationship - because we've made a ton of amazing memories - airplane rides, beaches, nfl games, coffee, food, deep conversation, reading good books, making fires, family, movies, photography, polaroids, countless trips to Seattle, flowers, friendship, walking with each other through some tough circumstances... So many good things. But friends, I am desperate. I feel so incapable of any presumption regarding tomorrow. I am desperate for LOVE to invade my heart in mind and flow from me like a mighty river. More than ever, all my rules and the echoes of religious advice feels like sand falling through my fingers. Oh that the wisdom of God would be imparted to this finite mind. Holy Spirit, would you reveal to me the Secrets from Heaven and teach me how to love.
• Heart. There are other circumstances that make there mark on my thoughts throughout the day. Things like my future. "Calling". Passions. Friends. Reconciliation. Relationships. Abortion. LIFE. Washington DC. Death. Photography. Working out. Discipline. Fasted Lifestyle. Family. Underneath of it all... my heart feels more exposed and raw than I've ever experienced. I don't think I've realized how much I have censored myself. Today I see this. I'm hurt. I've been hurt - deeply hurt by friends, relationships at church, guys, my family. My hurts cloud my mind and taint my actions everyday. And what am I to do? I've repented, forgiven and released these relationships multiple times. And you know what else? I've also been so angry. Angry at the pain. Angry at my continued response to more hurt. Angry at church. My life littered by self-protection. I don't know how to be found. I went to dinner with a friend the other night and was talking to her about drawing close to the Father as my Shepherd. My protector, the one who seeks after the lost. I cried telling her that I am not sure how to be found. How do I let Him be my Shepherd... In all of my mess and dim view of this path that I seem to be on... the one thing that has been constant is Jesus. Seems He has remained. I've found comfort in Luke 15, Isaiah 52, Ezekiel 34, Psalm 23.

Anyway... That's a lot... There's so much more that I would love to share... I'll leave you with this... The MAIN thing that I've discovered is this. It's ALL and ONLY about LOVE. Knowing that YOU are lavishly LOVED by the Father who's called your name out from nothingness. And the ONE thing you've been called to is LOVE Him back with all that you are and EXTRAVAGANTLY LOVE those who make their way in and out of your life. That's it.

Oh... One more thing. Music. I've been listening to some new music as I write you... You can download all of then off iTunes! The two artists at the bottom were recommended by Shawn McDonald. I ended up d/l-ing the entire album by Jason Reeves... So good.

Your Love Never Fails. From the Jesus Culture Conference this year.
World's Apart. Old school Jars of Clay. Pandora played it and I had to download it.
Always. Peter Bradley Adams.
Jason Reeves.

LOVE.

Apology for igorance.

My Personal ‘Faith Priorities’ for this Election
by Jim Wallis
http://www.sojo.net/blog/godspolitics/?p=3166

My friend sent me this article which has provoked a couple thoughts in my heart. The first being an apology for an ignorance to particular issues being faced in the United States. I agree that I, as a Christian, have often overlooked specific burdens that are heavy on the Father's heart that play out in our nation. And for that I am sorry.

But my dad has also said more than once (my interpretation) that Jesus didn't command or speak much about the government bringing his Kingdom to earth. He spoke to His kids. His bride. The church...

(My response to her email) One thing that's interesting... With all the talk about the poor, etc... I think about scripture when Jesus talks about taking care of the poor and healing - his intention and message is aimed at people of the church... Not necessarily the government. Not that we as Christians should ignore the issues of poverty when making governmental issues...

But I feel like the need for [government to step in] rises in a nation where the Church has failed to rise to its calling and take its place in partnering with Christ to bring the Father's kingdom. Further, though the bride may be weak, the need for a Savior remains strong... And the nation knows it - ie: the resounding cry for change... Thus in our humanity we then expect the government to pick up where the Church has left off. (Again, this cry for change makes me think of the utterance of all creation crying out in frustration - For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21that[i] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.)...

I can understand why there are Christians who are advocating and also voting for Obama's goals in helping the poor... though it may be a practical answer made with physical eyes where it makes "sense", I really think it's a moment to be looking with spiritual eyes at the power (or lack) of Christ working in and through us as his Bride to meet His kid's needs.

Monday Morning Memo...

I know it's Thursday... But I just checked a reguarly spam filled email account that still gets dumped into my Outlook inbox... For a few years now, The MondayMorningMemo has faithfully arrived around 10:20 pacific time Sunday evenings... And for the most part, I forget that I receive them... I read one from 3 weeks ago and have tried to remember to look every week since... I was so encouraged by last week's memo. And this October 20th's was just as inspiring.

It's probably obvious.... but just in case... you should know that I LOVE being creative. And I don't know if any of you have the same intense blood coursing through your veins, but I'm sure that there are times that you've felt your body go cold as the currents of your blood slow down... almost to a stop... Frustration, defeat, bleak vision (or lack of vision).....

Maybe it's time to start....

Thinking Outside the Box
Part Two: If You've Got the Nerve.

“The brain has three natural roadblocks that stand in the way of truly innovative thinking:
1. flawed perception
2. fear of failure
3. the inability to persuade others.”
– Dr. Gregory Berns, neuroscientist, psychiatrist, and Distinguished Chair of Neuroeconomics at Emory University.

Need a fresh perspective? Want to alter your perception, think new thoughts, create a whole new paradigm?

1. Look at a map of your city. Choose an area unfamiliar to you. Drive there, then get out and walk for an hour. Call a friend to come and pick you up.
2. Go into a restaurant you suspect you won’t like. Order something weird.
3. Sit at a bus stop for 30 minutes. Talk with whomever sits down next to you.
4. Attend the worship services of a faith that is not your own.
5. Read out loud to someone else The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost.
6. Watch How to Hype a Black and Mild on YouTube. (7 min., 38sec.)
7. Attend ESCAPE THE BOX, the advanced session of Free the Beagle at Wizard Academy.
“It typically takes a novel stimulus – either a new piece of information or getting out of the environment in which an individual has become comfortable – to jolt attentional systems awake and reconfigure both perception and imagination. The more radical and novel the change, the greater the likelihood of new insights being generated.” – p.58, Iconoclast, by Gregory Berns.

If you’re like most people, you read that quote from Greg Berns last week and said, “I get it,” but then you didn’t actually do anything.

James Michener won the Pulitzer Prize in 1948 for his book, Tales of the South Pacific. He went on to earn more than one hundred million dollars as the author of more than 40 novels.

At age 88, Michener wrote, “When young people in my writing classes ask what subjects they should study to become writers, I surprise them by replying: ‘Ceramics and eurhythmic dancing.’ When they look surprised I explain: ‘Ceramics so you can feel form evolving through your fingertips molding the moist clay, and eurhythmic dancing so you can experience the flow of motion through your body. You might develop a sense of freedom that way.’” – This Noble Land, chap.10
But it's unlikely that any of his students ever took those classes. They just thought, "Form and freedom. I get it," and carried on as they were, unchanged. But I'm convinced Michener meant what he said. His advice to his students was to push themselves to do things that didn't come naturally to them. He urged them to stir the deep waters of the unconscious mind.

Transformation happens experientially, not intellectually. James Michener knew this. Dr. Gregory Berns knows this. Dr. Richard D. Grant knows this. And now you know it, too.

Two and a half years ago I wrote, "Humans are peculiar creatures. We are capable of much, yet do little. Doubt, insecurity, fear and ambition blind our wide-open eyes to the colors of meaningful life. We hibernate, deep in the bellies of our comfort zones... Do you want to expand your world? Meet interesting people? Learn about different cultures? Then get on your hands and knees, drop to your belly and squirm under the fence that surrounds your insulated life." – from the preface and back cover of People Stories, Inside the Outside.

Cognoscenti Dave Lofranco came to me recently and said, "Let's actually do what Michener said. If you'll find a dance instructor and a pottery teacher, I'll donate the money to buy a commercial pottery-firing kiln." I presented Dave's idea at the next meeting of the board of directors of Wizard Academy. Clinical psychologist Dr. Richard D. Grant was energized by the thought and a whole new class was born. Check it out.

Will you do the deed, take the action, pull the trigger and ride the bullet? Or will you, like those students of Michener, think to yourself, “I get it,” and consider the lesson learned?

Roy H. Williams

Woman Attacked At ATM, Assailant Carves Letter Into Her Face

Richard said the robber took $60 from the woman, then became angry when he saw a McCain bumper sticker on the victim's car. The attacker then punched and kicked the victim, before using the knife to scratch the letter "B" into her face, Richard said.

My heart is burning. My eyes leaked when I read this article. What have we become? A people out of control.... A rebellious nation to the King of Kings.OH, how we look to you and need you to come, JESUS!!!! We are seeking your face as the one from whom justice flows like a mighty river!

Isaiah.

read more digg story

Weekend...

Ah! I had such a BUSY but FABULOUS weekend... Just wanted to give you a run down... For your information of course, but I want to remember all these fun excursions too... :D It's so fun - it feels like so many of my "dreams" are coming true...

Friday:
1) Pulled Pork Bandits... Err, sandwiches. Thanks to my friend Jenny... Pork Loin, BBQ Sauce, Yellow Pepper, Onions. Low in the crock pot while you work!
2) A motorcycle ride across the Narrows Bridge and a walk in Gig Harbor.

3) Prayer with friends for the nation...

4) Late night hangout with friends!

Saturday:

1) All day excursion to the mountain on the motorcycle with Ryan's roommate, Jay and his girlfriend. We have matching helmets!

2) Blackberry Pie and hot chocolate on the way down from the mountain. It was freezingggg!!! And this lil stop was so romantic ;-)

3) Quick sandwich stop at this lil cafe before going to....

4) CELINE DION! :D Ah... Whether you think she's super cheesey or not, her voice is phenomenal! My roommate from college and I always wanted to see her live... BTW: My lovely roommate, Melissa, is engaged! Yay!

5) Late night hot tub time with Jay, Alison and Ryan...

6) Drinks at the Matador...

7) ...SUPER late night leftovers and conversation littered with laughter till 4am with Ryan...?!!

Sunday:

1) Starbucks breakfast at home...

2) Family Photoshoot... Check out these kiddos... Ryan helped me gather a garbage sack of leaves as well as jumped around making everyone smile... He was hilarious.

3) Ryan Photoshoot and walk in Point Defiance... He's so patient with me... ;-) And look at his hunky photos... :D

4) Short nap...

5) Photo editing...

6) Facebooking and sushi... California rolls...

7) Lots of laughing and good conversation with Ryan...

Okay... Love you, reader.

Not on my watch...

I don't know why I necessarily wrote that title... but there's something riled up in my spirit today. Maybe you already read the article... My dad told me about the subject the other day on the phone and forwarded me the article... To quote, Kate McDonald... I think I could SPIT or maybe even worse - say a naughty word. ;-) But moreso, I've felt an even greater urgency in my spirit to be praying for these elections. Not necessarily with any partiality towards a candidate but for all of them who are running. For either direction we end up taking as a nation, we cannot be blind to how the enemy, Satan, the prince of this world is out to kill, steal and destroy our nation's leader. I mean, doesn't it just stir up your Spirit?? - inside of you - to want to RISE up in the authority that we've been given in Christ and smash the enemy's friends who bring diminishment and degradation to these KIDS who belong to the King of Kings?!

And so you don't think that this blog is swinging one way or another, the point I'm making has also been made clear on my friend Kate's blog regarding an advertisement she'd seen referring to Barak Obama. Mind you, the article I posted above isn't just an advertisement and seems a little more dirty and raw... but you'll get the jist.

So, again, friends... For all of you praying kind, I'm calling you out - it's time to RISE up - to stand in the gap on behalf of a nation that DESPERATLY NEEDS God's mercy... I pray that the Holy Spirit would be upon you today and enable you to understand His heart for our nation and that you would respond in fervent prayer for our leaders at such a time as this. Maybe it's time for the bride as a whole to embrace this possible Esther moment for all of us to turn the King's heart toward mercy and kindness for our nation...

Brrr...

There was frost on the dealership car windows when I pulled up this morning...

What seems to have frequented the news the past year(s) has been global warming...

I stumbled upon an article this morning... I guess my point is necessarily political (or ecological)... but more that - Just when we think we have God figured out - or something as grandiose (sp?) as our planet... he throws in a little bit of a surprise!

Alaska Glaciers Grew this Year, Thanks to Cold Weather. I bet the polar bears will be extremely thankful this winter... ;-) Sorry, just a shameless plug for Planet Earth.... (laughing on the inside)... (Original Article)

Hannah talks about surprises on her blog... Definitely, more personal focused but, hey - it's the same big Jesus that we're talking about here.... :-)

It's not a hat. It's a helmet.

Umm... This is just a quick message because I haven't written in "foreverrrrr..." I miss it... and I have recently been SO busy! Most of life seems to have been put on hold.... All for good reasons! ;-) Fabulous reasons.

1) Maybe you should know that I'm a gf.
2) Ryan took me to the Green Bay vs. Seahawks game. Thank YOU, Casey Bruinsma for telling him I'm a Packers fan. SUCH a fun experience. (I didn't take these photos...)
3) I have laughed like a kid at the circus everyday since we started hanging out.
4) Frogs are not born with two horns on their heads.
5) Hey, did you know that The Shack is number ONE on Amazon?
6) Ryan has an 85 Interceptor. Yup, VERY romantic ;-)... I told him I have romanticized ideas about riding scooters in Santorini, Greece... What can I say? Who wouldn't, after seeing Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants... THUS, I got a PINK helmut.
7) I get to see CELINE DION on SATURDAY! Definitely could be an item crossed off my bucket list if I had one.
8) I've been to Seattle 4 times in the past 9 days. :D
9) LOVE the Arboretum.
10) Would LOVE to get a new Point and Shoot. But it's kinda spendy......?

Okay... Hopefully, I will write more soon!!

Love u.

detail

This was his idea. I'll let him explain what the florist's suggestion was... ;-)

I love this so much.

I actually have another post to share... It's coming... Sometime... ;-)

ATTN: Tacoma Friends...

In response to the urgency for prayer in this hour, we are having weekly prayer meetings to lift up our nation, the elections, our leaders in prayer and worship... Join us on Friday nights from 6-10pm until the election...

Last week was phenomenal... Bring your heart conviction, your cry, your worship... The Holy Spirit has really been showing how much singing is such a vital aspect of intercession... So bring your instruments and heart-song too!

Email me if you'd like directions! bethanylvieth [at] gmail [dot] com

Oh, and this is just a random pretty picture... My friend Ryan took it and I did the post processing... I have some other random ones on Flickr from our trip to the UW/Seattle Arboretum and to Cannon Beach that you may enjoy.

WAKE UP!

It's been way too long since I've blogged... and I have sooo much to say... but for now... I just want to encourage you to continue praying for our nation and this season we find ourselves in...

I've been trying to keep up with a couple of websites that are praying for the elections that I highly encourage you to check out! I'm not sure if there are any public endorsements on either website... but if there is, I hope that it doesn't deter you from visiting and savoring the truths that are shared. I also pray that the Lord would continue (and begin) to give you an impartation of His heart - divine wisdom and revelation unto the knowledge of Him - and His will for this nation - and His Kingdom...

I was REALLY encouraged by today's post by Dutch Sheets on TheCall.com website... They have initiated Facedown 40 - a 40 day season of prayer and fasting for the elections and our nation... Despite your candidate choice, it is evident that both of these potential leaders are in desperate need for wisdom not of themselves, protection and ultimately God's mercy in their lives. If you've not yet jumped into a time of prayer and fasting for this critical hour don't be discouraged. You are not late and you MUST know that YOUR heart conviction and cry and the authority Jesus has given you to STAND in the GAP on behalf of a nation that is desolate in so many ways - is VITAL to His Kingdom. From the beginning of humanity, the Father has chosen to use humanity to bring his will and kingdom to earth... If you're interested in a biblical perspective of how your prayers and fasting can change history... or to read testimonials... I encourage you to check out Shaping History Through Fasting and Prayer by Derek Prince. Perhaps your heart and mind has already been awoken and you are being informed about the political and social issues of the nation, by my heart's cry to you - as part of your church and the Bride of Jesus is WAKE UP... WAKE UP to the spiritual climate of our nation and HOW Jesus LONGS to partner with you with divine authority in bringing His Kingdom to earth. NOW is the time, friends! To RISE - NOT only as citizens of this nation but as CITIZENS of HIS ETERNAL Kingdom - and with authority, joy and zeal rooted in Him usher in His Kingdom... To repent, cry out and turn from our wicked ways so that healing may come to our land...

Day 14 - Father Nash (Facedown 40).
http://www.thecall.com/Groups/1000034243/TheCall/Get_Involved/Facedown_40/Facedown_40.aspx
Having experienced a terrible overhaul of his own spiritual experience, Nash, Finney’s intercessor, emerged from a cold and backslidden condition to faithfully labor for souls, full of the power of prayer. He prayed daily – often many times a day – for those whom he was led to place on his list, frequently literally in agony for them. Multitudes were thus converted, many of them hardened, abandoned characters who could not be reached in any ordinary way.

One such example involved a bartender violently opposed to revival meetings who would deliberately swear outrageously whenever Christians were within hearing. It was so bad that some of his neighbors considered moving because they could not tolerate such swearing. When Father Nash heard of this situation, he became very grieved and took this man on in prayer. Day and night he labored in prayer for this ungodly bartender. Several days later, the tavern keeper came to a meeting, confessed his sins and came to Christ. His confession was one of the most heartbroken Finney and Nash had ever heard and seemed to cover the whole ground of his treatment of God, Christians, revival, and everything good. His barroom immediately became the place where prayer meetings were held.

Can bars, mosques, crack houses or other sin-dens become prayer rooms in our day? Can vulgar God-haters, drug dealers, porn-peddlers and others of ill repute become passionate followers of Christ? Only if we find the “Father Nashes” of our day – those who refuse to accept status quo and through fervent and agonizing prayer bring the will of Heaven to earth. Have you been infected with this heavenly virus?

Dutch Sheets, 10/7/2008

Day Fourteen: For All Americans to Uphold the Elections in Prayer (Pray the Vote 2008)
http://www.presidentialprayerteam.net/40days/14.html
They all joined together constantly in prayer, along with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brothers.--Acts 1:14

Holy God, You give us the gift of communication with You through prayer. You promise to guide us and lead us if we turn to You. I thank You for the gift of prayer, that I may speak with You at any time and at all times! Because You are timeless, You hear all our prayers no matter when we offer them.

As the elections approach, I ask You to stir our nation to prayer. May we be constant and consistent in faithfully upholding our nation and these elections before You in heartfelt prayer. Lord, grant that we may invite others into the blessing of prayer, bringing revival and renewal to our nation. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

I hope you are encouraged by both of these websites... Visit them everyday if you can over the next few weeks... I am confident that you will encounter Jesus on this journey. May you be encouraged and rooted in HIM - as you He meets you in your prayers and sacrifice...

Can you hear the cry?

For Change.

From the beginning of this 2008 election process, "Change" has littered both parties campaining trails. Obama for Change - His most prominent slogan... And even McCain was toting the word during the RNC.

Recently, multiple emails have come across my desk from Christian sources putting a twist on the phrase...

MAY THE CRY FOR MERCY BE LOUDER THAN THE CRY FOR CHANGE!!!!

A close friend had posted this quote somewhere on Facebook and had a friend ask for an explanation... She emailed asking for my own response... And I realized after writing a few successive emails with more formulated thoughts, that I should share it in a blog...

My first response as a Christian with a Biblical Worldview that seems obvious to me and may be to other Christians - is OF COURSE we need God's mercy! Our nation is in a world of hurt from the spiritual perspective. It doesn't take a spiritual guru to realize that our nation is inundated with sin, selfishness, immorality... Just list the seven deadly sins and we come up guilty... Read Ezekiel 22-23... Joel... We are guilty and if God responds to our nation in the same way he's done towards His own people in the past... then boy are we in for it! And it sure as heck means we need to be crying out for God's mercy... "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." I'm sure we all agree that our land needs some healing...

But then I started to think about how it would possibly make sense that this line is true even outside the biblical perspective... Here's how my emails went... (I've done some editing for more definition of my thoughts...)

Email 1: Mercy, mercy... It just makes me think about the finite-ness of humanity. Though change has occured through the hands of man over the years; it is fleeting.

Email 2: No matter what comes thru the hands of either candidate to change things... Our problems as a nation are bigger than what any human can promise can fix. Right?

So it's not even that we're kicking "change" out... Our country is desperate for change - for repentance - for a turning from its ways of greed and immorality (from the spiritual standpoint as described above)... But these things cannot be simply changed by the nomination of one man or another. As a nation full of individual people with their own agendas and lifestyles... a cry for mercy is needed far beyond the cry for change. And both nominees are kidding themselves to believe that change to an entire nation can come from the power of their own hands and even a cabinet full of finite people - whether democrat or republican... In themselves as leaders they sure as heck should be crying out for God's mercy and grace over their position of great influence. Over every thought, every word and every decision... So much authority has been given to the President and I cannot fathom being in this position without a desperate cry for God's mercy...

I guess that's another perspective of mercy - outside of the typical cry for mercy - that God would spare his people from their sinfulness and what tragedy could become them in their rebellion.

Email 3: I was also thinking that as a Christian - my eyes (are conditioned) see that the roots of the "problems" we face as a nation... are spiritual... but I think it's also wise to take notice of the practical issues that the candidates are addressing:

Our economy, the poor, the unborn, the war... ALL of these "practical" issues - will NEVER be solved by the "CHANGE" proposed by either man (candidate) without God's mercy... If the cry for "change" that has been echoed throughout the history of the world by multiple candidates for positions of power - whether in our nation or others - was substantial and fulfilled its promise - one could reason that we may have reached that utopia by now. (I know that the candidates aren't promising a utopia for our nation - I'm trying to make the point of our inability as humans for substantial/long term change)

Duh. LOL. I mean it's more obvious why we would be crying out for God's mercy more than change. And even if your friend isn't so keen on Jesus.... The cry for something greater "higher" than what humanity can promise or accomplish through even the greatest man or group of people seems like an obvious cry in this moment or any moment of history for that manner.

We humans kind of suck creating change on our own. And for either party... the change that is often created will produce negative effects on at least one person... Oh how we must be desperate for a kingdom answer - JESUS!

Email 4: OH and ONE more thought... The cry for "change" may be more substantial than what's been given credit...

I think it's a cry from the heart of our nation - across BOTH parties that we as individuals are in a place of need and desperation. Something's not right. Something MORE has to exist... Maybe the cry for change is a reflection of our true brokennness and need as a nation more than a catchy slogan that has marked this campaigning season. A desperate utterance from our spirit/gut - as individuals and as a nation - or even from the echoes of creation - that this land is broken and desolate - desperate for restoration and ultimately Christ's glory to be released as his Kingdom comes back to earth...

Hmmm... (Maybe my prayer has become) perhaps that God will see the honest cry for change in the heart of his people (Not 'his' people referring to Christians or Jews - but all of humanity who reside in this country) (even in their lack of awareness) - not simply as a cry for one presidential nominee or another - but the cry of desperation, need, and inability to fix this mess...

And have MERCY.

The Shack

I started and will finish The Shack today. I remembered Kate writing about it on her blog.... And so I left a response there... It ended up being a "blog-like" entry and decided to share it here with you too...

========

There are so many thoughts that I could blog about... I don't even know where to start... I sensed Jesus encouraging me to pick up this book in the past couple of days and it seems he's allowed a couple of sick days at home to start and finish it... And even more importantly... He and the book have arrived right on time.

I was particularly struck by something (or one of the many things) Sophia spoke to Mack...

...There must be a better way...

"There is. you just can't see it now. Return from your independence, Mackenzie. Give up on being his judge and know Papa for who he is. Then you will be able to embrace his love amidst your pain instead of pushing him away with your self-centered perception of how you think the universe should be. Papa has crawled inside your world to be with you, to be with Missy."

I've felt distant from my Bible lately... but on Monday night, I crawled in my clean sheets and turned on some quiet worship music. I felt hungry for the person of Jesus. Tangible Jesus. I've had that yearning a lot lately... But had decided that I wanted to read in the Bible about this tangible Jesus who "" touches the most raw and honest parts of our lives where we need to encounter him.

I decided on the book of Luke. My reasoning being that's where it talks about Jesus birth a very REAL and tangible part of humanity. I found myself reading chapter five and the story where Jesus is preaching to a crowd on the shore and he gets into one of the boats. He tells Simon to let the boats go into the deeper water and from there he continues to teach. After a series of events: no fish, throwing the nets into deeper water and then catching loads of fish... Simon Peter, feeling foolish comes to Jesus... In fact it says he falls at his knees! That's pretty intense... And it makes me wonder what could be going so wrong in a man's mind that he would feel condemned and frustrated enough to fall at Jesus' feet and exclaim, "Go away from me, Lord! I am a sinful man!" STOP There. Ahhh... When I read this line, it resonated so clearly in my Spirit. It's exactly how I felt.

"Jesus! Don't get an inch closer! Don't you see me? I am of so little faith right now! When you asked me to trust you - to throw out my nets deeper, I scoffed at you and doubted that your words could be true... Just look at me! I don't see how you can stand to even peer in my direction... Go away from me, please..."

When I arrived to Sophie and Mack's conversation which soon follows Mack's walk on the water with Jesus, my eyes were enlightened to how self-centered my response to sin is as well as my judgment of the the Father and Jesus. Ultimately, I see where I have come to the conclusion that in all of my messiness and sin that I deserve the "judgment" of rejection that I have determined for myself.... And not only that, I see where I have selfishly judged the Father has being One who rejects and turns his back on His children. Like peter, I have often concluded that I am too much for the Father.

Mmmm... I guess that's where my deep thought drops off... The more I read about Peter... I realize how much I resonate with similar thought patterns.

I hope in that moment, Jesus responded to him with something similar to what Papa and Sarayu said to Mack...

"Mackenzie..." "You really don't understand yet. You try and make sense of the world in which you live based on a very small and incomplete picture of reality. It is like looking at a parade through the tiny knothole of hurt, pain self-centeredness, and power, and believing you are on your own and insignificant. All of these contain powerful lies. You see pain and death as ultimate evils and God as the ultimate betrayer, or perhaps at best, as fundamentally untrustworthy. You dictate the terms and judge my actions and find me guilty.

The real underlying flaw in your life, Mackenzie, is that you odn't think that I am good. If you knew I was good and that everything - the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives, is covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me. But you don't."

..."Mackenzie, you cannot product trust just like you cannot 'do' humility. It either is or is not. Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me."

"I don't know how to change that..." Mack.

"You can't, not alone. But together we will watch that change take place. For now I just want you to be with me and discover that our relationship is not about performance or you having to please me. I'm not a bully not some self-centered demanding little deity insisting on my own way. I am good, and I desire only what is best for you. You cannot find that through guilt or condemnation or coercion, only through a relationship of love. And I do love you."

I'm sure Peter eventually figured it out... Seems like it was a long road to get there (John 21:15)... And it seems like I am on that journey too. My prayer is that along this path, Papa will continue to write and rewrite the story of my faith and trust in him... And that I would have eyes to see and a heart to know He is good.

"If you knew I was good and that everything - the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives, is covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me."

One more thing... Jaeson Ma...

So, I just had the most encouraging conversation with my dear friend Tiffani. She called me on her way home from BSF... She's living down in LA and just recently started school at UCLA to get her doctorate.

Anyway, we talked a lot about what I've recently shared regarding my heart... Love, marriage, the lack of conversation about the two... All of this reminded me of Jaeson Ma... Have you read his book, Blueprint?

I haven't read his posts, but upon arriving to his blog was surprised by his latest entry title:

Romance and Relationships, part 3! Now, I've read some of his previous entries and his book... so feel like I can confidently endorse these... Enjoy!

And T... I love you! Thank you for calling tonight. You are such a gift to me. I am grateful for our friendship over these years.

Roots

There has been so much going on in my heart lately... I know I haven't been too detailed about it... and maybe there will be a time and place to divulge, but right now, it just seems like a long post that I'd rather save for later... when I'm not so sick....

But I did want to share a revelation that I had this weekend... I have lived in Tacoma for 4 years now EXACTLY. I looked at my "old" blog from 2004 a few days ago and I think I'm almost spot on! ;-) I don't know why, but I started thinking about planting roots this weekend. Like I said, I've been here four years... and I don't know why... But I still don't feel settled. In fact, today I feel like it's my time here is likened to the feeling of being in college. You know? That expectation of change. Maybe it's just the community I live in... And not that I don't like change... but something is ALWAYS changing. Relationships, friendships, housing, roommates, ministries... I have felt like I've been in transition since I've moved here. Like constantly finding work through a temp agency... Only in the past couple of days have I realized that I'm tired of this "feeling." I don't want to move again... Maybe it's a selfish expectation, but there's a part of me that just wants to "settle down" and have a "normal life" haha... But at the same time, I don't feel like Tacoma is my "end". Nothing in me senses that I am supposed to buy a house or anything like that... I'm just not sure what all this means.

One thing I have come to understand about myself... is about every 3 months or so, I go thru a season of boredom/discontentment. Today I wondered if I have had unspoken/unknown expectations of my life of where I should/would be by "now." I even asked myself the honest question, "Am I waiting to be married before doing.... this or that..." specific things in my life. Wow. Talk about being vulnerable and exposed to yourself. I think it's something that most girls would be ashamed of admitting... but I definitely feel like there is a part of me that holds back on being the "fullest" Bethany because I don't want to do it alone... and that word "alone" doesn't really mean "alone" because I have several girlfriends and a house full of roommates... but "alone" in the sense of "without a husband..." I don't know if I have a solid answer to that question, but it definitely has me thinking...

I was sharing this with my friend Hannah today over lunch... She was so encouraging and reminded me of the visionary gifting and worldview the Lord has given me. It's so true. I get bored. When I am not walking in faith, being challenged, stepping out into the visions the Lord has given me - I get bored. She urged me to start dreaming again. I don't think I realized that I had been disappointed by some circumstances that resulted in me shutting that dreamer part of my heart off... I think there's a part of me that's afraid to dream again. Afraid of disappointment. Afraid of disapproval. I guess it doesn't hurt to try... I was stirred for the rest of the afternoon and on my drive home... the song that popped into my head was (of course), "Dreamer"...

I am a dreamer
Take me higher
Open the sky up
Start a fire
I believe
Even if it's just a dream

Jesus, I want to believe. Even if it's just a dream. Help me believe... So do you want to hear some of my dreams? Washington, DC. Justice House of Prayer. Photography. Jenefer. LIFE. LIFE Book. Wife. Mom. I guess that's it for now...

So in the meantime... I want to be unmovable, unshakable, so let my roots grow deep. I want to be like a tree, planted by the streams of living water.... Wherever I am... wherever my dreams may take me... (Justin Rizzo - Tree)

...Phone!

Photographer, Jeremy Cowart.

In case you've never heard of Jeremy Cowart, now is the time. Jeremy's a photographer who I think is located in Nashville... but he takes pictures of EVERYONE. I mean EVERYONE. Check out his website. However, his notable models are not the reason for my post. This is. Recently, he posted on his facebook that he was interested in having subjects for a book he is putting together. A compilation of photographs of YOU and ME next to a life "question". He said the question can be anything... He lists a few examples on his blog... I wanted to share with all you readers, 1) If I know you, I know you are beautiful and worthy of being in his book, 2) If I don't know you personally, I bet you are even more beautiful than I can imagine... and 3) (The real reason) is that if you're reading a blog, I bet you have lots of amazing thoughts in your head, and in fact you're also probably a blogger... and I think that you could come up with a fantastically profound or hilarious question that would be PERFECT for his book. So come on! What are you waiting for? Strike a pose and jot down your question and click submit! (Directions on his blog... And I'm sorry if you're reading this past his deadline - Nov. 1st)

Oh... And you should share your question here with other readers!

I promise (and on behalf of other readers) promise not to steal your question and submit it as my own.

___________, signed, Bethany L. Vieth ;-)

Theraflu and Thai Umbrellas...

What day is it?! I know that it's only been a couple days since my last post, but I have to say, "I MISS YOU, Orange and Blue Blogger!" ;-) I've been fighting a nasty cold/flu since Friday afternoon... Do you ever just want to whine? I don't know what it is about being sick but I definitely feel the whole of my self - my mind, body, and voice revert to being a 5 year old when I get sick... I laughed with my roommate Jami the other night as we talked about our sicky woes to each other... She said she cries when she gets sick and I simply whine... "Wahhh! Somebody fix me or at least cuddle with me." I stayed home from work yesterday. Ahhh. It was wonderful. First off, the weather the past couple of days has been phenomenal. Now, I know it's only been in the 60s but believe it or not, the SUN has been shining! Seriously, gorgeous, glorious... All in one, people! It's my favorite type of weather for sure. The fall comes earlier here in the northwest than that midwest... The leaves are already changing here... There's a crispness in the air... I love the combination. Crispy, sunny weather. Seriously it's THE BEST!!!! Maybe I'll take my camera out to play tomorrow if it's nice out... We'll see.

I'm lying in bed right now. My roommates are in the living room watching a Korean movie (Yes, in all Korean). I think it's a romantic comedy or something. Haha. My friend, Jessie is Korean. Well, half. And she is definitely more Korean than I am! Sometimes, I feel like I only look Korean... I'm adopted, in case you didn't know. ;-)

Anyhoo... Yup, I'm sitting in bed... drinking... Theraflu. Wish it was something more exciting, like a hot caramel apple cider or hot cocoa... but nope. Just Theraflu. I actually like it's soothing taste but am sad that this cough won't leave. After a couple intensely emotional and circumstantial weeks, I wonder of the Lord has allowed me to be sick so I continue to remain in a slower pace... More thoughts about that later...

I wanted to share with you some photos from my GOOD friend's Bridal Shower this weekend! O my goodness. It was a blast. My friend, Jennalise is getting married on January 3rd in England! Yes, that's right. London, England my friends. No, I have never been there before - or any other place overseas for that matter (besides being born in Seoul)... I'm so excited! Our bridesmaid dresses just arrived this past week and the shower was simply beautiful. Jennalise is just so classy. She's cute, trendy and extravagantly LOVES people - with gifts. The shower was just as classy as she is. I think all of the cuteness was due to her own contribution of decorations. We did this super fun photobooth deal with my mac for her blessing book! I had each girl take several photos with Jenna and I plan on having them printed vertically like an actual photobooth photo sheet... I'll have to show you when it's done... We played a few games and Hannah shared an interview she did with Toby (Jenna's fiancee) before he returned to London a few weeks ago... And then Jenna blessed us with these amazing gifts. Really unbelievable. Pearls, perfume, Viccy Secret Panties, our bouquets, a Passport holder (weee!!!)... And the CUTEST handmade umbrellas from Thailand for our photoshoot... Ahh... Isn't that just fabulous? I have to show you... Just a second...
There are a few more on my FLICKR page if you want to check them out... The party was so sweet and afterwards, Jenna and I headed to Pho for dinner... Shh... But I had it again for lunch today... Yummy! Perfect soup for when you're feeling sick... :-)

I have a few more thoughts to share, but I think I'll write a new post... for a new topic!

Epicenter

I think the question at the forefront of my mind is.... How many people in the world are aware and take seriously the prophecies of Ezekiel 38 and 39? Up until a few weeks ago (and even now only have a sliver of understanding), not much of what is happening in the Middle East and Russia was even on my radar. Sure, I know there's the "War on Terror" and being located right next to Fort Lewis, a US Army Base - I hear of the troops leaving and returning overseas. But for the most part, I have lived most of my life in a pretty little bubble unaware of the world events right outside my happy Christian life / church doors. My heart in this moment is not to criticize the church or even lump everyone in one spot of blindness; I know there are many intelligent and informed Christians who are not only on their knees in intercession, but are also tangibly influencing society. I feel like my first response is to ask for forgiveness from fellow Christians for not pursuing education on these world events. My naivety has only increased the appropriate accsations towards Christians as being uninformed and uneducated. Secondly, I find it also necessary to repent on behalf of the "Church of America" as a whole for the same blindness. I sense it is God's grace waking up the church during this season of the 2008 Presidential Election for the United States. I see him provoking the church to be in a spot with a keen mind regarding the state of our nation... But I still feel a lot of slumber in the church with regards to national and international issues. And for that I again ask for forgiveness and realize that only through my own initiation and taking personal ownership of becoming educated and then taking personal action will I be walking in repentance...

So back to my original question... (Thank you for letting me diverge.) I may be the only one in complete darkness about end-times prophecy, but have any of you read and seriously considered the implications of Ezekiel 38 and 39 in the Old Testament of the Christian Bible? Like I said, up until a few weeks ago when I read the news about NATO cooling off relations with Russia due to it's invasion of Georgia, I hadn't thought much about Russia... Or much about the rest of the world outside of my comfy US borders. But something stirred in my heart when I read these articles. For some reason I was provoked to read about The Cold War. Please keep in mind that I've never been a historical guru - Most of it becomes a big pile of dates and key people whose names become like spaghetti code in my more prominent logical mind... Anyway, I read a few articles and the history of The Cold War on Wikipedia... About this time, I also had a conversation with a good friend about a book I was reading this summer called, Jesus For President. Shane Claiborne's emphasizes peace and loving our enemies based on references to scripture. She proposed to me that 1) there is real evil in our world and 2) we cannot merely negotiate with this evil. Evil must be dealt with and overcome. My thoughts felt jumbled and both sides made "sense". When I looked at the scriptures Shane referred to, the pursuit of peace made sense. However, thinking of evil in light of Spiritual Warfare the idea of compromising and negotiating with the enemy - over anything - like my heart for example, sounds ridiculous! There is no way, I am going to let the enemy have territory that the Lord has redeemed as his own. Anyway... Moving on, my friend suggested I read this book called Epicenter by Joel Rosenberg. She said it would bring insight into what is happening in the Middle East...

I started reading it several weeks ago but only yesterday while snuggled up in bed with touches of the cold and flew did I get past the first couple chapters and into some of the meat of the book. I was shocked. I had never perceived the current events that litter the news in light of the prophecy in Ezekiel 38 and 39. In summary if you haven't read much about these two chapters, there is a leader Gog who rises out of a major northern country Magog and aligns itself with several other countries to target and invade Israel. Joel is a fictional author who has a line of connections to Middle Eastern leaders and international/national affluent political figures. He began writing these novels corresponding to the current political/international events and shocked the world as these events slowly evolved into reality. There are so many details that go into the prophecy and I encourage you to pick up his book... And check out some of the headlines that have crossed the pages of newspapers over the past 60 years. It really is stunning. Like Joel encourages, "to truly understand the significance of global events and trends, one must analyze them through a third lens as well: the lens of Scripture. Only then can the full picture become clearer." (The other two being politics and economics).

So I guess the purpose of my blog is to provoke your thoughts. Or maybe you've already been provoked? What's your response? Have you formulated any opinions? I am sure there are many who are opposed to Joel's biblical perspective and to be honest (and may frankly think this perspective is nuts), but I've not read any of their arguments yet... I guess I'm more interested in knowing if there are other believers out there who have explored this worldview and how it's affected your understanding and pursuit of understanding of the current Middle Eastern scene...

I'd love to hear your thoughts...

The Lion Inside...

So I've been thinking a lot about love this week.  Do you ever just get so frustrated with your emotions and the movements of your heart that you just want to throw the whole thing out the window while driving 90 miles an hour on the freeway?  I definitely feel like I've considered it this week.  Thankfully, Jesus is a lot more careful and gentle with my heart than I am at times... ;-)  Anyway, I've really been trying to take an honest look at my heart this week... And I feel like what I've discovered is a little uncomfortable and a little more intense than what the "happy Christian Bethany who grew up in church" has ever considered about love and her heart.

Haha, the lyrics, "Love is a battlefield" just popped into my mind along with the scene from 13 going on 30 with "Jenna Rink" and her posse of 13 year olds prancing on her "grown up bed"... But isn't it SO true.  I mean, let's be real here, friends (girls and guys alike)... Love can be rough, bloody and perceivably more intense than any battle you or I would ever come face to face with... Have you ever wondered why?  Maybe you have.  And have concluded that YOU are the reason love feels "screwed up" or "out of control"... There is something wrong with YOU.  And especially if you grew up in church, "If you just would have guarded your heart more carefully..." or "limited the amount of time you spent with that someone you liked," or "ignored those feelings in the first place," THEN maybe your heart wouldn't been in such a puddle of mess.  But I feel like Jesus has been whispering all week to me and also through some honest words from dear friends... I'm the One who put that love inside of you.  Yes, it is a love for me.  But I AM the one who CREATED you with a love and desire for a _______ (husband/wife - insert here).  I AM Love.  I AM a roaring lion.  That passionate, wild, intense love that seems to ignite your emotions and makes you feel like you could explode - I inserted all of that into your heart, your mind and your body.  Seriously now, have you really never felt the roar of that lion(ness) love wanting to unleash itself from the whole of who you are?  And if you know exactly what I'm talking about, I'm here to tell you... I'm there... And from the words of some friends... "You shouldn't blame yourself for wanting to be in love..."  "I see a girl who wants to be loved by a man..."

So you may be thinking... "But Bethany... No, you've got to be more careful.... Because look at all the mess!  God may have put that love inside of me... but there must be something wrong with me - or at least I should try really hard to not let myself feel this way... And I definitely feel better not talking about it anyway..."  So... this here's how I feel like the Lord has been addressing this lionness LOVE inside of me... He's gently shown me that although this extravagant love He's placed inside of me for a husband is GOOD and ultimately a reflection of glory, I have the choice to let it be ruled and handled by my flesh or by the Spirit.  Ta Da!!  Okay, maybe not so simple... but how am I responding to this desire/love/feelings inside of me?  For me, I've had to ask the Lord multiple times this week for His mercy over my heart and emotions.  "God, I KNOW that this LION inside of me is ultimately good but I am desperate for your mercy!"  "Tame this heart inside of me!"  And another revelation tonight about self-control.  We should be able to do it right... "SELF-control...."  Haha.  Ever wonder why certain parts of our character made it to the "fruit of the SPIRIT" list?  Hahaha... Maybe because over the centuries of years when after God created mankind, he realized that in ourselves, we were full incapable of coming up with any measure of these characteristics on our own... But take a look at it... SELF-control.  Haha.  The one fruit that even speaks of something you'd think mankind could accomplish (at least at face value) was the final fruit God knew could only be produced by His Spirit, by His Grace, by His strength, His will over ours...

Ahhh.... So I'm crying out that this LION inside of me would be ruled, released and handled by the Spirit.  And the Lord really is increasing my prayer for the hearts of girls in the church... That you would know that the LIONNESS inside of you is good and is a reflection of the heart of God.  YES.  Your number one lover is Jesus.  But I want to release you to be a girl who desires to be loved and to extravagantly love a man.  If you find yourselves on the battlefield of your own heart... I encourage you to cry aloud for mercy... Know that this LOVE inside of you is not the problem or something that should be denied or hidden.  Don't be afraid of it.  Don't shut it off.  It's not a taboo subject to talk about with your Christian friends or your small group.  He's the one who put it inside of you.  It's beautiful.  It's meant to be cultivated, exposed... And I think I'm learning that the battlefield itself is part of God's grace to dust off some of the dirt that may be collecting in the closets of your heart...  Hmmm...

Chester

Ever since I sent my sister a cell phone we talk all the time... A couple weeks ago she called me and told me that she had rescued a baby bunny from the campsite my mom had her trailer on. Haha... She was planning on nursing it back to health... I think it was just a day later or maybe the same day that she called again to inform me Grandma Beth and the girls had found another baby bunny in the yard and captured it. Haha. I never heard the news but apparently both of them died due to poor physical conditions... Well... It was Kamy's Birthday party last weekend and my mom told me that Grandma Beth had bought the girls bunnies! I am sad that I wasn't there to celebrate with them, but my sister took some photos... So meet, Chester and Kamy...

Acai & Arboretum

Meet my friend Kristin! :-) She just moved up to Bellingham to finish school at Western... (Boohoo)
So I just wanted to share this yummy photo with you... Last week I met my friend Kristin at a coffee shop to watch her friend Noah Gundersen. She suggested we get these Acai bowls. I haven't been on the Acai train at all... but this was SO YUMMY and refreshing...
If you want to go and try one with me... You should ask. Because I'd like to go again.

So the Washington Arboretum. Have you been there? I REALLY want to go there... From what I've seen on flickr it is absolutely beautiful! I miss the fall in the midwest so much... But this looks absolutely beautiful... I think I might head up there on Saturday and grab some breakfast - maybe at this great place, Geraldine's Counter. Mmmm.... What'cha think?

Good Morning, America!

Okay, so I don't think all of America has tuned in on my blog writing... Yet! But googleAnalytics will soon be the telltale. :-) Guess what! I'm sitting at home in my bed and it's 8:05AM! That's right. I know. "Why aren't you at Parkland Chevrolet, Bethany?" Well... I'll tell you. Haha. My receptionist, Crystal, is at home resting with Strep Throat. I assumed she was going to stay home today but called her and told her I didn't want to get sick, nor anyone else. So, I am going in late in her place. Which is just great for me! I still got up early and am ready to walk out the door right now, but a part of me just wants to snuggle back under the covers and close my eyes for awhile. We were all up so late last night... But I am sure that Jesus will give me the strength... So for now, you have my attention. :-)

You know what? I am sure you saw my blogging friends over there to the left... but if you scroll down a little bit you'll see a link for my old blog. Believe it or not, there are posts online from close to four years ago when I first moved here! I haven't gone back to read it, but if you so feel like it, you should do it and leave me a little comment here.

Oh, and for my facebook friends out there... Umm, I think that there are some of you who really need to take up blogging. Ahem... You know who you are... :-) Yup and even for purely selfish reasons for wanting to read your thoughts... I'm telling you that you should do it! :D

Now, I'm not sure what your political opinion is... but I just wanted to share how shocked I was when I read this article about Sarah Palin's personal email. I almost started crying for her. Can you imagine how violating that would feel...

Have you ever thought about where God and Government fit together...? Ever since last summer, when I went to TheCall in Nashville, I have been on a semi-focused journey learning about government, our nation, and where God fits into all of it... Late last summer I attempted to read the book God and Government by Charles Colson. It's pretty heavy on the historical side but has so much insight. I recently purchased a DVD that coincides with the book and popped it in a few minutes ago and watched a session on the separation of church and state. Fascinating. Several speakers talked about the original purpose of the constitution and its use in governing citizens rights. It also focused on the continual move towards a quenching of religious freedom... I was particularly struck by his last few lines. This summer I read the book Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne... The book itself was so englightening and has really opened my eyes in looking at scripture and it's place in our day to day life. I was really humbled so many of the sections and one in particuar that comes to mind is regarding Matthew 5. The beatitudes.

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Have you ever thought...

Ahh... I gotta run to work but will finish my thoughts later!

Shh!

I know that I should be in bed by now... In fact I wish I would have been asleep hours ago, but the late night was definitely worth it! :-) My roommates and I gathered for a typical house night... And for those of you who have not had the pleasure of living with multiple girls at one time - house night usually includes: food, conversation and prayer. Haha. Well, at least house night in the New Song church community... Anyway... We started our conversation and prayer over a bonfire and s'mores.... until we got smoked out and moved into the living room. Can I just tell you that I LOVE my roommates? It's been a long time since I have lived in a house where I really enjoy and look forward to time with them... Wow. Seriously, I feel so blessed right now just thinking about the girls I live with. I'll totally introduce them to you over the course of my blogging but for now... Here's a photo...
Haha... Me, Allie, Tricia, Jami! I love it.... Typically house times haven't been my favorite night of the evening, but I have a sense that Jesus has some really fun times in store for us... I'll definitely keep you filled in...

So get this! I've had a pretty rough past couple of weeks... REALLY rough... Haha, to say the least. In fact, I feel like my heart has been all over the board this summer. Strewn all across the nation. I don't know. Have you ever felt like you're watching your life pass by and wondering how the heck all of it got to be where it is? Risk. Decisions. Heartache. Ugh. Anyway, I woke up Monday morning desperate. I was dialogging with Jesus about a conversation that I really wanted to have that day with a friend. And I sensed that it was a conversation that Jesus didn't really want me to have... But I argued my point and tried to get Him to see it my way... His response this time was a little more forward. "How come you will fast 40 days and believe for your nation, but you won't fast 7 days for your heart?" I remember responding outloud, "Because I don't trust you with my heart!" Ahh... What a revelation. I quietly and not so willingly obliged towards his request to trust him for 7 days... And on the way to work, I listened to Chris Tomlin's song. Your Grace is Enough. There's a line that jumped out at me. "God, I know... Your Grace is enough..." I remember crying out in response... "God I NEED to know..."

Well, can I just tell you that he's been SO faithful and gracious to me this week? Overly kind and beyond my expectation. He's totally blown me away by the friends he's brought into my life to speak words of encouragement, direction and life. I am once again just blown away by his desire to speak directly into our hearts through the words of other people. I mean, seriously - isn't it amazing that we can ask questions to the Father and he responds to us so clearly? Wow. So not only has he brought some amazing words of encouragement through some dear friends, but also given me some random instances of pure joy. Today, I went to this meeting for work and put my name into a raffle and totally won! Haha. Silly but it is a free trip to Victoria BC over night including travel. How awesome is that? I feel like Jesus totally knew that I need a vacation a time to just rest, relax and have some fun! (PLUS take pictures! Hehe)... It just felt like such a perfect prescription for my heart. And then this afternoon, I got the most random phone call from a unique friend. It certainly felt out of the blue, but I know Jesus was redeeming a circumstance from earlier this week. I had a great time catching up and look forward to her dinner invitation! Oh and I forgot another "gift"... A good friend text me this morning and it again was just so redeeming... and restoring to friendship in general. I was so encouraged by the truth that was spoken. It felt like it went to the core of my heart cry.

Anyway... I am going to sign off now. I love that I am back to blogging. It's going to be a busy next few days... but I'm excited! For now it's time for bed...

Sleep well!