The Shack

I started and will finish The Shack today. I remembered Kate writing about it on her blog.... And so I left a response there... It ended up being a "blog-like" entry and decided to share it here with you too...

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There are so many thoughts that I could blog about... I don't even know where to start... I sensed Jesus encouraging me to pick up this book in the past couple of days and it seems he's allowed a couple of sick days at home to start and finish it... And even more importantly... He and the book have arrived right on time.

I was particularly struck by something (or one of the many things) Sophia spoke to Mack...

...There must be a better way...

"There is. you just can't see it now. Return from your independence, Mackenzie. Give up on being his judge and know Papa for who he is. Then you will be able to embrace his love amidst your pain instead of pushing him away with your self-centered perception of how you think the universe should be. Papa has crawled inside your world to be with you, to be with Missy."

I've felt distant from my Bible lately... but on Monday night, I crawled in my clean sheets and turned on some quiet worship music. I felt hungry for the person of Jesus. Tangible Jesus. I've had that yearning a lot lately... But had decided that I wanted to read in the Bible about this tangible Jesus who "" touches the most raw and honest parts of our lives where we need to encounter him.

I decided on the book of Luke. My reasoning being that's where it talks about Jesus birth a very REAL and tangible part of humanity. I found myself reading chapter five and the story where Jesus is preaching to a crowd on the shore and he gets into one of the boats. He tells Simon to let the boats go into the deeper water and from there he continues to teach. After a series of events: no fish, throwing the nets into deeper water and then catching loads of fish... Simon Peter, feeling foolish comes to Jesus... In fact it says he falls at his knees! That's pretty intense... And it makes me wonder what could be going so wrong in a man's mind that he would feel condemned and frustrated enough to fall at Jesus' feet and exclaim, "Go away from me, Lord! I am a sinful man!" STOP There. Ahhh... When I read this line, it resonated so clearly in my Spirit. It's exactly how I felt.

"Jesus! Don't get an inch closer! Don't you see me? I am of so little faith right now! When you asked me to trust you - to throw out my nets deeper, I scoffed at you and doubted that your words could be true... Just look at me! I don't see how you can stand to even peer in my direction... Go away from me, please..."

When I arrived to Sophie and Mack's conversation which soon follows Mack's walk on the water with Jesus, my eyes were enlightened to how self-centered my response to sin is as well as my judgment of the the Father and Jesus. Ultimately, I see where I have come to the conclusion that in all of my messiness and sin that I deserve the "judgment" of rejection that I have determined for myself.... And not only that, I see where I have selfishly judged the Father has being One who rejects and turns his back on His children. Like peter, I have often concluded that I am too much for the Father.

Mmmm... I guess that's where my deep thought drops off... The more I read about Peter... I realize how much I resonate with similar thought patterns.

I hope in that moment, Jesus responded to him with something similar to what Papa and Sarayu said to Mack...

"Mackenzie..." "You really don't understand yet. You try and make sense of the world in which you live based on a very small and incomplete picture of reality. It is like looking at a parade through the tiny knothole of hurt, pain self-centeredness, and power, and believing you are on your own and insignificant. All of these contain powerful lies. You see pain and death as ultimate evils and God as the ultimate betrayer, or perhaps at best, as fundamentally untrustworthy. You dictate the terms and judge my actions and find me guilty.

The real underlying flaw in your life, Mackenzie, is that you odn't think that I am good. If you knew I was good and that everything - the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives, is covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me. But you don't."

..."Mackenzie, you cannot product trust just like you cannot 'do' humility. It either is or is not. Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me."

"I don't know how to change that..." Mack.

"You can't, not alone. But together we will watch that change take place. For now I just want you to be with me and discover that our relationship is not about performance or you having to please me. I'm not a bully not some self-centered demanding little deity insisting on my own way. I am good, and I desire only what is best for you. You cannot find that through guilt or condemnation or coercion, only through a relationship of love. And I do love you."

I'm sure Peter eventually figured it out... Seems like it was a long road to get there (John 21:15)... And it seems like I am on that journey too. My prayer is that along this path, Papa will continue to write and rewrite the story of my faith and trust in him... And that I would have eyes to see and a heart to know He is good.

"If you knew I was good and that everything - the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives, is covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me."

One more thing... Jaeson Ma...

So, I just had the most encouraging conversation with my dear friend Tiffani. She called me on her way home from BSF... She's living down in LA and just recently started school at UCLA to get her doctorate.

Anyway, we talked a lot about what I've recently shared regarding my heart... Love, marriage, the lack of conversation about the two... All of this reminded me of Jaeson Ma... Have you read his book, Blueprint?

I haven't read his posts, but upon arriving to his blog was surprised by his latest entry title:

Romance and Relationships, part 3! Now, I've read some of his previous entries and his book... so feel like I can confidently endorse these... Enjoy!

And T... I love you! Thank you for calling tonight. You are such a gift to me. I am grateful for our friendship over these years.

Roots

There has been so much going on in my heart lately... I know I haven't been too detailed about it... and maybe there will be a time and place to divulge, but right now, it just seems like a long post that I'd rather save for later... when I'm not so sick....

But I did want to share a revelation that I had this weekend... I have lived in Tacoma for 4 years now EXACTLY. I looked at my "old" blog from 2004 a few days ago and I think I'm almost spot on! ;-) I don't know why, but I started thinking about planting roots this weekend. Like I said, I've been here four years... and I don't know why... But I still don't feel settled. In fact, today I feel like it's my time here is likened to the feeling of being in college. You know? That expectation of change. Maybe it's just the community I live in... And not that I don't like change... but something is ALWAYS changing. Relationships, friendships, housing, roommates, ministries... I have felt like I've been in transition since I've moved here. Like constantly finding work through a temp agency... Only in the past couple of days have I realized that I'm tired of this "feeling." I don't want to move again... Maybe it's a selfish expectation, but there's a part of me that just wants to "settle down" and have a "normal life" haha... But at the same time, I don't feel like Tacoma is my "end". Nothing in me senses that I am supposed to buy a house or anything like that... I'm just not sure what all this means.

One thing I have come to understand about myself... is about every 3 months or so, I go thru a season of boredom/discontentment. Today I wondered if I have had unspoken/unknown expectations of my life of where I should/would be by "now." I even asked myself the honest question, "Am I waiting to be married before doing.... this or that..." specific things in my life. Wow. Talk about being vulnerable and exposed to yourself. I think it's something that most girls would be ashamed of admitting... but I definitely feel like there is a part of me that holds back on being the "fullest" Bethany because I don't want to do it alone... and that word "alone" doesn't really mean "alone" because I have several girlfriends and a house full of roommates... but "alone" in the sense of "without a husband..." I don't know if I have a solid answer to that question, but it definitely has me thinking...

I was sharing this with my friend Hannah today over lunch... She was so encouraging and reminded me of the visionary gifting and worldview the Lord has given me. It's so true. I get bored. When I am not walking in faith, being challenged, stepping out into the visions the Lord has given me - I get bored. She urged me to start dreaming again. I don't think I realized that I had been disappointed by some circumstances that resulted in me shutting that dreamer part of my heart off... I think there's a part of me that's afraid to dream again. Afraid of disappointment. Afraid of disapproval. I guess it doesn't hurt to try... I was stirred for the rest of the afternoon and on my drive home... the song that popped into my head was (of course), "Dreamer"...

I am a dreamer
Take me higher
Open the sky up
Start a fire
I believe
Even if it's just a dream

Jesus, I want to believe. Even if it's just a dream. Help me believe... So do you want to hear some of my dreams? Washington, DC. Justice House of Prayer. Photography. Jenefer. LIFE. LIFE Book. Wife. Mom. I guess that's it for now...

So in the meantime... I want to be unmovable, unshakable, so let my roots grow deep. I want to be like a tree, planted by the streams of living water.... Wherever I am... wherever my dreams may take me... (Justin Rizzo - Tree)

...Phone!

Photographer, Jeremy Cowart.

In case you've never heard of Jeremy Cowart, now is the time. Jeremy's a photographer who I think is located in Nashville... but he takes pictures of EVERYONE. I mean EVERYONE. Check out his website. However, his notable models are not the reason for my post. This is. Recently, he posted on his facebook that he was interested in having subjects for a book he is putting together. A compilation of photographs of YOU and ME next to a life "question". He said the question can be anything... He lists a few examples on his blog... I wanted to share with all you readers, 1) If I know you, I know you are beautiful and worthy of being in his book, 2) If I don't know you personally, I bet you are even more beautiful than I can imagine... and 3) (The real reason) is that if you're reading a blog, I bet you have lots of amazing thoughts in your head, and in fact you're also probably a blogger... and I think that you could come up with a fantastically profound or hilarious question that would be PERFECT for his book. So come on! What are you waiting for? Strike a pose and jot down your question and click submit! (Directions on his blog... And I'm sorry if you're reading this past his deadline - Nov. 1st)

Oh... And you should share your question here with other readers!

I promise (and on behalf of other readers) promise not to steal your question and submit it as my own.

___________, signed, Bethany L. Vieth ;-)

Theraflu and Thai Umbrellas...

What day is it?! I know that it's only been a couple days since my last post, but I have to say, "I MISS YOU, Orange and Blue Blogger!" ;-) I've been fighting a nasty cold/flu since Friday afternoon... Do you ever just want to whine? I don't know what it is about being sick but I definitely feel the whole of my self - my mind, body, and voice revert to being a 5 year old when I get sick... I laughed with my roommate Jami the other night as we talked about our sicky woes to each other... She said she cries when she gets sick and I simply whine... "Wahhh! Somebody fix me or at least cuddle with me." I stayed home from work yesterday. Ahhh. It was wonderful. First off, the weather the past couple of days has been phenomenal. Now, I know it's only been in the 60s but believe it or not, the SUN has been shining! Seriously, gorgeous, glorious... All in one, people! It's my favorite type of weather for sure. The fall comes earlier here in the northwest than that midwest... The leaves are already changing here... There's a crispness in the air... I love the combination. Crispy, sunny weather. Seriously it's THE BEST!!!! Maybe I'll take my camera out to play tomorrow if it's nice out... We'll see.

I'm lying in bed right now. My roommates are in the living room watching a Korean movie (Yes, in all Korean). I think it's a romantic comedy or something. Haha. My friend, Jessie is Korean. Well, half. And she is definitely more Korean than I am! Sometimes, I feel like I only look Korean... I'm adopted, in case you didn't know. ;-)

Anyhoo... Yup, I'm sitting in bed... drinking... Theraflu. Wish it was something more exciting, like a hot caramel apple cider or hot cocoa... but nope. Just Theraflu. I actually like it's soothing taste but am sad that this cough won't leave. After a couple intensely emotional and circumstantial weeks, I wonder of the Lord has allowed me to be sick so I continue to remain in a slower pace... More thoughts about that later...

I wanted to share with you some photos from my GOOD friend's Bridal Shower this weekend! O my goodness. It was a blast. My friend, Jennalise is getting married on January 3rd in England! Yes, that's right. London, England my friends. No, I have never been there before - or any other place overseas for that matter (besides being born in Seoul)... I'm so excited! Our bridesmaid dresses just arrived this past week and the shower was simply beautiful. Jennalise is just so classy. She's cute, trendy and extravagantly LOVES people - with gifts. The shower was just as classy as she is. I think all of the cuteness was due to her own contribution of decorations. We did this super fun photobooth deal with my mac for her blessing book! I had each girl take several photos with Jenna and I plan on having them printed vertically like an actual photobooth photo sheet... I'll have to show you when it's done... We played a few games and Hannah shared an interview she did with Toby (Jenna's fiancee) before he returned to London a few weeks ago... And then Jenna blessed us with these amazing gifts. Really unbelievable. Pearls, perfume, Viccy Secret Panties, our bouquets, a Passport holder (weee!!!)... And the CUTEST handmade umbrellas from Thailand for our photoshoot... Ahh... Isn't that just fabulous? I have to show you... Just a second...
There are a few more on my FLICKR page if you want to check them out... The party was so sweet and afterwards, Jenna and I headed to Pho for dinner... Shh... But I had it again for lunch today... Yummy! Perfect soup for when you're feeling sick... :-)

I have a few more thoughts to share, but I think I'll write a new post... for a new topic!

Epicenter

I think the question at the forefront of my mind is.... How many people in the world are aware and take seriously the prophecies of Ezekiel 38 and 39? Up until a few weeks ago (and even now only have a sliver of understanding), not much of what is happening in the Middle East and Russia was even on my radar. Sure, I know there's the "War on Terror" and being located right next to Fort Lewis, a US Army Base - I hear of the troops leaving and returning overseas. But for the most part, I have lived most of my life in a pretty little bubble unaware of the world events right outside my happy Christian life / church doors. My heart in this moment is not to criticize the church or even lump everyone in one spot of blindness; I know there are many intelligent and informed Christians who are not only on their knees in intercession, but are also tangibly influencing society. I feel like my first response is to ask for forgiveness from fellow Christians for not pursuing education on these world events. My naivety has only increased the appropriate accsations towards Christians as being uninformed and uneducated. Secondly, I find it also necessary to repent on behalf of the "Church of America" as a whole for the same blindness. I sense it is God's grace waking up the church during this season of the 2008 Presidential Election for the United States. I see him provoking the church to be in a spot with a keen mind regarding the state of our nation... But I still feel a lot of slumber in the church with regards to national and international issues. And for that I again ask for forgiveness and realize that only through my own initiation and taking personal ownership of becoming educated and then taking personal action will I be walking in repentance...

So back to my original question... (Thank you for letting me diverge.) I may be the only one in complete darkness about end-times prophecy, but have any of you read and seriously considered the implications of Ezekiel 38 and 39 in the Old Testament of the Christian Bible? Like I said, up until a few weeks ago when I read the news about NATO cooling off relations with Russia due to it's invasion of Georgia, I hadn't thought much about Russia... Or much about the rest of the world outside of my comfy US borders. But something stirred in my heart when I read these articles. For some reason I was provoked to read about The Cold War. Please keep in mind that I've never been a historical guru - Most of it becomes a big pile of dates and key people whose names become like spaghetti code in my more prominent logical mind... Anyway, I read a few articles and the history of The Cold War on Wikipedia... About this time, I also had a conversation with a good friend about a book I was reading this summer called, Jesus For President. Shane Claiborne's emphasizes peace and loving our enemies based on references to scripture. She proposed to me that 1) there is real evil in our world and 2) we cannot merely negotiate with this evil. Evil must be dealt with and overcome. My thoughts felt jumbled and both sides made "sense". When I looked at the scriptures Shane referred to, the pursuit of peace made sense. However, thinking of evil in light of Spiritual Warfare the idea of compromising and negotiating with the enemy - over anything - like my heart for example, sounds ridiculous! There is no way, I am going to let the enemy have territory that the Lord has redeemed as his own. Anyway... Moving on, my friend suggested I read this book called Epicenter by Joel Rosenberg. She said it would bring insight into what is happening in the Middle East...

I started reading it several weeks ago but only yesterday while snuggled up in bed with touches of the cold and flew did I get past the first couple chapters and into some of the meat of the book. I was shocked. I had never perceived the current events that litter the news in light of the prophecy in Ezekiel 38 and 39. In summary if you haven't read much about these two chapters, there is a leader Gog who rises out of a major northern country Magog and aligns itself with several other countries to target and invade Israel. Joel is a fictional author who has a line of connections to Middle Eastern leaders and international/national affluent political figures. He began writing these novels corresponding to the current political/international events and shocked the world as these events slowly evolved into reality. There are so many details that go into the prophecy and I encourage you to pick up his book... And check out some of the headlines that have crossed the pages of newspapers over the past 60 years. It really is stunning. Like Joel encourages, "to truly understand the significance of global events and trends, one must analyze them through a third lens as well: the lens of Scripture. Only then can the full picture become clearer." (The other two being politics and economics).

So I guess the purpose of my blog is to provoke your thoughts. Or maybe you've already been provoked? What's your response? Have you formulated any opinions? I am sure there are many who are opposed to Joel's biblical perspective and to be honest (and may frankly think this perspective is nuts), but I've not read any of their arguments yet... I guess I'm more interested in knowing if there are other believers out there who have explored this worldview and how it's affected your understanding and pursuit of understanding of the current Middle Eastern scene...

I'd love to hear your thoughts...

The Lion Inside...

So I've been thinking a lot about love this week.  Do you ever just get so frustrated with your emotions and the movements of your heart that you just want to throw the whole thing out the window while driving 90 miles an hour on the freeway?  I definitely feel like I've considered it this week.  Thankfully, Jesus is a lot more careful and gentle with my heart than I am at times... ;-)  Anyway, I've really been trying to take an honest look at my heart this week... And I feel like what I've discovered is a little uncomfortable and a little more intense than what the "happy Christian Bethany who grew up in church" has ever considered about love and her heart.

Haha, the lyrics, "Love is a battlefield" just popped into my mind along with the scene from 13 going on 30 with "Jenna Rink" and her posse of 13 year olds prancing on her "grown up bed"... But isn't it SO true.  I mean, let's be real here, friends (girls and guys alike)... Love can be rough, bloody and perceivably more intense than any battle you or I would ever come face to face with... Have you ever wondered why?  Maybe you have.  And have concluded that YOU are the reason love feels "screwed up" or "out of control"... There is something wrong with YOU.  And especially if you grew up in church, "If you just would have guarded your heart more carefully..." or "limited the amount of time you spent with that someone you liked," or "ignored those feelings in the first place," THEN maybe your heart wouldn't been in such a puddle of mess.  But I feel like Jesus has been whispering all week to me and also through some honest words from dear friends... I'm the One who put that love inside of you.  Yes, it is a love for me.  But I AM the one who CREATED you with a love and desire for a _______ (husband/wife - insert here).  I AM Love.  I AM a roaring lion.  That passionate, wild, intense love that seems to ignite your emotions and makes you feel like you could explode - I inserted all of that into your heart, your mind and your body.  Seriously now, have you really never felt the roar of that lion(ness) love wanting to unleash itself from the whole of who you are?  And if you know exactly what I'm talking about, I'm here to tell you... I'm there... And from the words of some friends... "You shouldn't blame yourself for wanting to be in love..."  "I see a girl who wants to be loved by a man..."

So you may be thinking... "But Bethany... No, you've got to be more careful.... Because look at all the mess!  God may have put that love inside of me... but there must be something wrong with me - or at least I should try really hard to not let myself feel this way... And I definitely feel better not talking about it anyway..."  So... this here's how I feel like the Lord has been addressing this lionness LOVE inside of me... He's gently shown me that although this extravagant love He's placed inside of me for a husband is GOOD and ultimately a reflection of glory, I have the choice to let it be ruled and handled by my flesh or by the Spirit.  Ta Da!!  Okay, maybe not so simple... but how am I responding to this desire/love/feelings inside of me?  For me, I've had to ask the Lord multiple times this week for His mercy over my heart and emotions.  "God, I KNOW that this LION inside of me is ultimately good but I am desperate for your mercy!"  "Tame this heart inside of me!"  And another revelation tonight about self-control.  We should be able to do it right... "SELF-control...."  Haha.  Ever wonder why certain parts of our character made it to the "fruit of the SPIRIT" list?  Hahaha... Maybe because over the centuries of years when after God created mankind, he realized that in ourselves, we were full incapable of coming up with any measure of these characteristics on our own... But take a look at it... SELF-control.  Haha.  The one fruit that even speaks of something you'd think mankind could accomplish (at least at face value) was the final fruit God knew could only be produced by His Spirit, by His Grace, by His strength, His will over ours...

Ahhh.... So I'm crying out that this LION inside of me would be ruled, released and handled by the Spirit.  And the Lord really is increasing my prayer for the hearts of girls in the church... That you would know that the LIONNESS inside of you is good and is a reflection of the heart of God.  YES.  Your number one lover is Jesus.  But I want to release you to be a girl who desires to be loved and to extravagantly love a man.  If you find yourselves on the battlefield of your own heart... I encourage you to cry aloud for mercy... Know that this LOVE inside of you is not the problem or something that should be denied or hidden.  Don't be afraid of it.  Don't shut it off.  It's not a taboo subject to talk about with your Christian friends or your small group.  He's the one who put it inside of you.  It's beautiful.  It's meant to be cultivated, exposed... And I think I'm learning that the battlefield itself is part of God's grace to dust off some of the dirt that may be collecting in the closets of your heart...  Hmmm...

Chester

Ever since I sent my sister a cell phone we talk all the time... A couple weeks ago she called me and told me that she had rescued a baby bunny from the campsite my mom had her trailer on. Haha... She was planning on nursing it back to health... I think it was just a day later or maybe the same day that she called again to inform me Grandma Beth and the girls had found another baby bunny in the yard and captured it. Haha. I never heard the news but apparently both of them died due to poor physical conditions... Well... It was Kamy's Birthday party last weekend and my mom told me that Grandma Beth had bought the girls bunnies! I am sad that I wasn't there to celebrate with them, but my sister took some photos... So meet, Chester and Kamy...

Acai & Arboretum

Meet my friend Kristin! :-) She just moved up to Bellingham to finish school at Western... (Boohoo)
So I just wanted to share this yummy photo with you... Last week I met my friend Kristin at a coffee shop to watch her friend Noah Gundersen. She suggested we get these Acai bowls. I haven't been on the Acai train at all... but this was SO YUMMY and refreshing...
If you want to go and try one with me... You should ask. Because I'd like to go again.

So the Washington Arboretum. Have you been there? I REALLY want to go there... From what I've seen on flickr it is absolutely beautiful! I miss the fall in the midwest so much... But this looks absolutely beautiful... I think I might head up there on Saturday and grab some breakfast - maybe at this great place, Geraldine's Counter. Mmmm.... What'cha think?

Good Morning, America!

Okay, so I don't think all of America has tuned in on my blog writing... Yet! But googleAnalytics will soon be the telltale. :-) Guess what! I'm sitting at home in my bed and it's 8:05AM! That's right. I know. "Why aren't you at Parkland Chevrolet, Bethany?" Well... I'll tell you. Haha. My receptionist, Crystal, is at home resting with Strep Throat. I assumed she was going to stay home today but called her and told her I didn't want to get sick, nor anyone else. So, I am going in late in her place. Which is just great for me! I still got up early and am ready to walk out the door right now, but a part of me just wants to snuggle back under the covers and close my eyes for awhile. We were all up so late last night... But I am sure that Jesus will give me the strength... So for now, you have my attention. :-)

You know what? I am sure you saw my blogging friends over there to the left... but if you scroll down a little bit you'll see a link for my old blog. Believe it or not, there are posts online from close to four years ago when I first moved here! I haven't gone back to read it, but if you so feel like it, you should do it and leave me a little comment here.

Oh, and for my facebook friends out there... Umm, I think that there are some of you who really need to take up blogging. Ahem... You know who you are... :-) Yup and even for purely selfish reasons for wanting to read your thoughts... I'm telling you that you should do it! :D

Now, I'm not sure what your political opinion is... but I just wanted to share how shocked I was when I read this article about Sarah Palin's personal email. I almost started crying for her. Can you imagine how violating that would feel...

Have you ever thought about where God and Government fit together...? Ever since last summer, when I went to TheCall in Nashville, I have been on a semi-focused journey learning about government, our nation, and where God fits into all of it... Late last summer I attempted to read the book God and Government by Charles Colson. It's pretty heavy on the historical side but has so much insight. I recently purchased a DVD that coincides with the book and popped it in a few minutes ago and watched a session on the separation of church and state. Fascinating. Several speakers talked about the original purpose of the constitution and its use in governing citizens rights. It also focused on the continual move towards a quenching of religious freedom... I was particularly struck by his last few lines. This summer I read the book Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne... The book itself was so englightening and has really opened my eyes in looking at scripture and it's place in our day to day life. I was really humbled so many of the sections and one in particuar that comes to mind is regarding Matthew 5. The beatitudes.

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Have you ever thought...

Ahh... I gotta run to work but will finish my thoughts later!

Shh!

I know that I should be in bed by now... In fact I wish I would have been asleep hours ago, but the late night was definitely worth it! :-) My roommates and I gathered for a typical house night... And for those of you who have not had the pleasure of living with multiple girls at one time - house night usually includes: food, conversation and prayer. Haha. Well, at least house night in the New Song church community... Anyway... We started our conversation and prayer over a bonfire and s'mores.... until we got smoked out and moved into the living room. Can I just tell you that I LOVE my roommates? It's been a long time since I have lived in a house where I really enjoy and look forward to time with them... Wow. Seriously, I feel so blessed right now just thinking about the girls I live with. I'll totally introduce them to you over the course of my blogging but for now... Here's a photo...
Haha... Me, Allie, Tricia, Jami! I love it.... Typically house times haven't been my favorite night of the evening, but I have a sense that Jesus has some really fun times in store for us... I'll definitely keep you filled in...

So get this! I've had a pretty rough past couple of weeks... REALLY rough... Haha, to say the least. In fact, I feel like my heart has been all over the board this summer. Strewn all across the nation. I don't know. Have you ever felt like you're watching your life pass by and wondering how the heck all of it got to be where it is? Risk. Decisions. Heartache. Ugh. Anyway, I woke up Monday morning desperate. I was dialogging with Jesus about a conversation that I really wanted to have that day with a friend. And I sensed that it was a conversation that Jesus didn't really want me to have... But I argued my point and tried to get Him to see it my way... His response this time was a little more forward. "How come you will fast 40 days and believe for your nation, but you won't fast 7 days for your heart?" I remember responding outloud, "Because I don't trust you with my heart!" Ahh... What a revelation. I quietly and not so willingly obliged towards his request to trust him for 7 days... And on the way to work, I listened to Chris Tomlin's song. Your Grace is Enough. There's a line that jumped out at me. "God, I know... Your Grace is enough..." I remember crying out in response... "God I NEED to know..."

Well, can I just tell you that he's been SO faithful and gracious to me this week? Overly kind and beyond my expectation. He's totally blown me away by the friends he's brought into my life to speak words of encouragement, direction and life. I am once again just blown away by his desire to speak directly into our hearts through the words of other people. I mean, seriously - isn't it amazing that we can ask questions to the Father and he responds to us so clearly? Wow. So not only has he brought some amazing words of encouragement through some dear friends, but also given me some random instances of pure joy. Today, I went to this meeting for work and put my name into a raffle and totally won! Haha. Silly but it is a free trip to Victoria BC over night including travel. How awesome is that? I feel like Jesus totally knew that I need a vacation a time to just rest, relax and have some fun! (PLUS take pictures! Hehe)... It just felt like such a perfect prescription for my heart. And then this afternoon, I got the most random phone call from a unique friend. It certainly felt out of the blue, but I know Jesus was redeeming a circumstance from earlier this week. I had a great time catching up and look forward to her dinner invitation! Oh and I forgot another "gift"... A good friend text me this morning and it again was just so redeeming... and restoring to friendship in general. I was so encouraged by the truth that was spoken. It felt like it went to the core of my heart cry.

Anyway... I am going to sign off now. I love that I am back to blogging. It's going to be a busy next few days... but I'm excited! For now it's time for bed...

Sleep well!

Yay! I'm back in the game!

Oh... It's been SO long and I miss blogging so much. Instead of worrying about a template and updating my website, I've decided to pull out my old blog and start writing ASAP! Obviously, I haven't written in this blog for over a year and a half now... Crazy! Anyway, I have so many thoughts whirling in my head... It's been quite the week and so much of it, I never would have guessed... Right now, I am sitting outside in my backyard on a lawn chair as the sunlight dwindles behind my fence and the across the Narrows bridge in the distance (that is beyond what I can see from my chair)... I think my roommates are going to come outside and join me soon... We are going to make s'mores tonight. Yummy... And then I'll be back. I feel like a little girl... All giddy about a new toy... or a grown up girl - all giddy about a boy... Haha... but alas it is only blogger that brings me a little bit of sunshine tonight. :-) Eee! But really, I can hardly contain myself... Alright! More later!