"You can't understand light unless you understand darkness, because that's where life is most often lived…somewhere between the two. It's messy and it's beautiful all at the same time." - Bebo Norman

It's definitely time for another update.

This weekend was packed and still going! Phew!! Actually, I got a lot of rest and was able to catch up on some reading... Friday night was crazy. I came home and talked to one of my roommates for a long while! It was so refreshing. She stayed home from school (work) that day and it was so nice to catch up. I was able to share my heart with her on a lot of the happenings. It seems Jesus has been doing a work and I am so grateful. Have you ever REALLY experienced intimacy with Jesus? And what does that look like? FOr the past week, it's been simple conversation throughout my day. I used to think that the quiet voice was simply my own thoughts and once and awhile I'd entertain them, but I decided to really communicate and extend these conversations. What an amazing gift it has been. I feel like I've been talking with Jesus like a close friend. It's nice because it's simple. Nothing too complicated. I yearn to grow deeper in this area. I've been reading "Practicing God's presence" about Brother Lawrence's relationship with Jesus. He too emphasized the quiet continuous conversations with the Lord. And when his failures, sin, or circumstances got in the way, he'd quickly divert his attention back to conversation with the Lord. Always focusing on loving Him and serving him to His utmost - in all situations - even the daily parts of his life. I love that he finds Jesus and intimacy with Him in the daily tasks as much or even more than the formal times of worship and prayer. My prayer is that my mind would also be absorbed in communion with Jesus.

As I have pursued this intimacy with the Lord, I have been made aware of my lack of truly KNOWING the King - my Jesus, my abba - my love. As I studied scripture and talked to Him, I realized how much I dont' realllyy know His heart. Know things about him. I mean I do understand salvation and the power of his death and resurrection - and have experienced some of the big theological concepts, but when it comes to His heart - His life, I am finding I am not as familiar. On the way to work on Friday, my heart was grieved over this and it almost brought me to tears. But He reassured me with His love, that if I seek Him, I will find Him. NOt to worry, that his love was still overflowing. And so I've begun my search. Reading and listening to scripture - all the while asking that He would speak to me - give me His perspective and thoughts while I study Him. I also purchased the case for Christ. I want to know Him. To be able to explain with uncontainable joy to another, WHO this Jesus really WAS and IS!

Anyway, Saturday morning we had discipleship. Following, my friend Kristie and I went to Panera and errand shopping. Mmmmm... Baked potato soup and a Red RIbbon Bagel - if you haven't tried one - you should! They're delightful!!! After, we hunted for a couple of books we both wanted to read. It's been SO much fun, because she has been wanting to read some of the same books I have pursued!! It's encouraging to be likeminded and have a similar heart to know Him better.





I was in kids church this week! I've been trying to figure out where I fit in. I've been in my classroom for several months and I LOVE the little ones. I'm just not sure what this season should be focused on. After church I was supposed to meet a friend for coffee, but it didn't work out... Oh, but I did find out that one of my friends from SPU got engaged the night before! Holy Cow - that was a surprise, for sure! She's a sophomore and is jsut so amazing. What a heart for Jesus.







Sunday was Isaiah's Birthday - Oh SO fun it was!!! All the little kids and what a beautiful day!! Seriuosly, the weather out here has been unbelievable!! Warm/Crisp - Colorful! The perfect combination for sure!! (: I love it. I spent the afternoon with Casey - we walked to Tricia's new house for a football party and later I headed to Julie Walton's Birthday!! What fun!!! I LOVE birthdays - they're just so special - you have the privilege of seeing and beign around all the special people in that person's life. It's a gift. There were about 9 of us there so it was intimate and cozy. We had dessert at CI Shenanigans and spent a couple of hours just hanging out...



And today I am back at work! Tonight is a surprise party... (: It should be a whole lot of fun... Tomorrow night is discipleship... Did I tell you that one of my cousins is coming to visit next month! I'm so excited!! Jesus is doing so much in my family! It blows me away. His spirit is really moving.

Well, I think that's about it! I added some pictures to my flickr site!

Anxious? Not sure where Jesus wants you to go next?

That's how I've been feeling lately! SO many opportunities, fun things to pour into, but what is my priority? What should I be focusing on whole-heartedly? Or should I just say "Yes" to everything.

Well last night before I went to bed, I read another chapter out of the book "Practicing God's Presence: Brother Lawrence for Today's Reader". Let me share with you...

Brother Lawrence described for me the foundation of this faith:a lofty view of God and a lofty love of God. Once he recognized this, he rejected everything else on the spot so he could live, work, and breath for the love of God.

But he didn't beat himself up if he somehow got distracted and forgot to focus on God. Instead, he would just confess his miserable sin before the Lord and turn back to Him with more confidence than ever.

In fact, he said, the confidence we have in God pleases Him greatly and brings even more grace. God will never, ever deceive us, and He'll never let someone who is totally dedicated to Him - ready to go through anything - suffer too long..

Because Brother Lawrence had grown in his relationship with God and knew from experience how quickly God would help him, he didn't panic when he ran into temptations. Instead, he would call on God and at just the right time, and the temptation would disappear.

Knowing this, when he had a job to do, he didn't worry about it ahead of time. He knew that when he had to move forward, God would show him clearly what to do, just as clearly as if he were seeing his own face in the mirror. At this point, he'd been following this course for some time, never expecting any troubles or roadblocks. Earlier, though, he'd always worried about the future.

What's more, Brother Lawrence never second-guessed what he had alread done and almost never the things he was doing. Even after dinner he could hardly tell you what he had eaten. In his own simple way he just kept doing all for the love of God, always keeping himself in God's loving presence and thanking Him for along the way for guidance.

When anything distrated him from keeping his thoughts on God, the Lord would send a fresh reminder, enough to fill his soul with an overwhelming sense that He Himself was right there. This presence was so strong that Brother Lawrence couldn't keep it to himself - he would have to cry out, sing, and dance.

He said he felt closer to God during the everyday stuff of life than when he hunkered down in formal prayer times that often left him spiritually dry. But, he added, he wouldn't be surprised if he were hit by trials, maybe even serious enough to derail the sense of God's presence he had enjoyed for so long. Even if that happened, though, God's goodness assured him that the Lord would never abandon him. He knew God would always give him the strength to stand against any evil...

...Living by faith and giving up one's own will are the first steps of that path. Joy follows - a joy that can even be described. And when the road gets tough, we turn to Jesus, asking for the grace that makes the way straight once more.

Brother Lawrence said many people lose their way doing penance, trying to work off their sins. The obvious result: they forget about love, the real goal. That's why we dont' see much true moral excellence shining through from inside them.

In the end, said Brother Lawrence, it doesn't take skill or a high IQ to come to God - just a heart totally sold out to the Lord, devoted to Him alone.

Okay, so I know that's practically the whole chapter - but read it through and be blessed. I pray that Jesus would come near to you today. That you would hear his voice - and let him consume your mind and heart.

Love, B

Salamanders, Corvettes and Kids!



What a FUN day today!! Work was pretty busy which I love!! Lots to do... We let a couple of gents go - so that was a bummer... but left me with some cleanup work to do... Kalvin brought some salamanders up that he found outside in the wash bay - I was thankful to have my camera with me!! Check him out... so cute... Later in the day he brought me outside to take some pictures of this z06 Corvette. A beauty (; The whole day went by SO quickly - and it just felt really good. I had a strong sense of Jesus being near - which is always a blessing and it felt like we were in communion the whole day - just talking... I am grateful...



Tonight after work I went with Sandra and my roommates to help at the Portland Ave commmunity Center. We had a family night with some of the kids who we've been picking up to come to New Song - What a blast. Oh how I love the kids. One of my dreams came true tonight - I got to let the kids take some pictures... Oh what fun! I love to see the world through their eyes!



Anyway it was such a fun night - we served dinner and there were several other New Songers there too... It was a great time of fellowship! Just a blessing for sure!!

And now it's beddy-by time... Good night!! Love you!

Bless the day
This restoration is complete
Dirty dusty something must be underneath
So I scrape and I scuff
Though it's never quite enough
I'm starting to see me finally

A gallery of paintings new and paintings old
I guess it's no surprise that I'm no Michael angelo
Every layer of mine hides a lovely design
It might take a little patience
It might take a little time

But you called me beautiful
When you saw my shame
And you placed me on the wall
Anyway

You who have begun this work will someday see
A portrait of the holiness you meant for me
So I polish and shine
til it's easier to find even an outline of mine

But you called me beautiful
When you saw my shame
And you placed me on the wall
Anyway
Anyway
And you placed me on the wall
Anyway

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Did you know?



There have been SO many sunshiney days here lately. And maybe just a handful of the cloudy ones... I love it!

Last night was my dear friend Hannah's Birthday... THat's actually my roommate Jennalise... She brought my camera so I could bring you these lovely pictures!! (: So, I put them all on my flickr page and if you don't know how to get there... bookmark this link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/bleev. There are tons of my photos there and I actually update that page more than I write in my blog. I hope that you've had a fantastic week!! It's going to be a wonderful, fun filled weekend. Love you! ~B

The Guardian.

So GOOD! Loved it. Keeps you on the edge of your seat and your heart warm. (:

It was SUCH a fun weekend! We had some friends stay with us from YWAM! What a blast - Stasi from Singapore and Frauke from Germany... We took them for dinner and then Coldstone for IceCream with the rest of their teammates... Saturday I had discipleship and then Sandra and I had some quality time just talking and praying - sharing our hearts... We went to the Christian Bookstore and craftstore to get some fall decorations... I LOVE fall!! It's certainly one of my favorite seasons... Church was a followup service to the Student Rialto Night on Thursday. Awesome. Jennalise and I met a kid on the tram THursday - who accepted Jesus and was then at church on Saturday night too. What a miracle! The service was incredible. About Joy. Increasing in it. Fruit of the SPirit. Adam Narcisso spoke - what a refreshment and encouragement to see him walking in his calling.

Sunday - was a blast too - Went for groceries with Sandra and met our roomies at Cutters Point for some reading... Then Sandra and I went to The Guardian. Ahh... I loveeeed it!! (: A good ation movie - but also tugs your heart along for the ride. Ashton and Kevin were amazing. I loved their comraderie. (:

It's back at work and another busy week!

Blessings!