So I've been thinking a lot about love this week. Do you ever just get so frustrated with your emotions and the movements of your heart that you just want to throw the whole thing out the window while driving 90 miles an hour on the freeway? I definitely feel like I've considered it this week. Thankfully, Jesus is a lot more careful and gentle with my heart than I am at times... ;-) Anyway, I've really been trying to take an honest look at my heart this week... And I feel like what I've discovered is a little uncomfortable and a little more intense than what the "happy Christian Bethany who grew up in church" has ever considered about love and her heart.
Haha, the lyrics, "Love is a battlefield" just popped into my mind along with the scene from 13 going on 30 with "Jenna Rink" and her posse of 13 year olds prancing on her "grown up bed"... But isn't it SO true. I mean, let's be real here, friends (girls and guys alike)... Love can be rough, bloody and perceivably more intense than any battle you or I would ever come face to face with... Have you ever wondered why? Maybe you have. And have concluded that YOU are the reason love feels "screwed up" or "out of control"... There is something wrong with YOU. And especially if you grew up in church, "If you just would have guarded your heart more carefully..." or "limited the amount of time you spent with that someone you liked," or "ignored those feelings in the first place," THEN maybe your heart wouldn't been in such a puddle of mess. But I feel like Jesus has been whispering all week to me and also through some honest words from dear friends... I'm the One who put that love inside of you. Yes, it is a love for me. But I AM the one who CREATED you with a love and desire for a _______ (husband/wife - insert here). I AM Love. I AM a roaring lion. That passionate, wild, intense love that seems to ignite your emotions and makes you feel like you could explode - I inserted all of that into your heart, your mind and your body. Seriously now, have you really never felt the roar of that lion(ness) love wanting to unleash itself from the whole of who you are? And if you know exactly what I'm talking about, I'm here to tell you... I'm there... And from the words of some friends... "You shouldn't blame yourself for wanting to be in love..." "I see a girl who wants to be loved by a man..."
So you may be thinking... "But Bethany... No, you've got to be more careful.... Because look at all the mess! God may have put that love inside of me... but there must be something wrong with me - or at least I should try really hard to not let myself feel this way... And I definitely feel better not talking about it anyway..." So... this here's how I feel like the Lord has been addressing this lionness LOVE inside of me... He's gently shown me that although this extravagant love He's placed inside of me for a husband is GOOD and ultimately a reflection of glory, I have the choice to let it be ruled and handled by my flesh or by the Spirit. Ta Da!! Okay, maybe not so simple... but how am I responding to this desire/love/feelings inside of me? For me, I've had to ask the Lord multiple times this week for His mercy over my heart and emotions. "God, I KNOW that this LION inside of me is ultimately good but I am desperate for your mercy!" "Tame this heart inside of me!" And another revelation tonight about self-control. We should be able to do it right... "SELF-control...." Haha. Ever wonder why certain parts of our character made it to the "fruit of the SPIRIT" list? Hahaha... Maybe because over the centuries of years when after God created mankind, he realized that in ourselves, we were full incapable of coming up with any measure of these characteristics on our own... But take a look at it... SELF-control. Haha. The one fruit that even speaks of something you'd think mankind could accomplish (at least at face value) was the final fruit God knew could only be produced by His Spirit, by His Grace, by His strength, His will over ours...
Ahhh.... So I'm crying out that this LION inside of me would be ruled, released and handled by the Spirit. And the Lord really is increasing my prayer for the hearts of girls in the church... That you would know that the LIONNESS inside of you is good and is a reflection of the heart of God. YES. Your number one lover is Jesus. But I want to release you to be a girl who desires to be loved and to extravagantly love a man. If you find yourselves on the battlefield of your own heart... I encourage you to cry aloud for mercy... Know that this LOVE inside of you is not the problem or something that should be denied or hidden. Don't be afraid of it. Don't shut it off. It's not a taboo subject to talk about with your Christian friends or your small group. He's the one who put it inside of you. It's beautiful. It's meant to be cultivated, exposed... And I think I'm learning that the battlefield itself is part of God's grace to dust off some of the dirt that may be collecting in the closets of your heart... Hmmm...
1 comments:
I'm touched by your deep thoughts... so, few think them, and fewer still are brave enough to write them. Why does it have to be so complex? I often wonder. We make Love into a self thing, many times I think. But... it should be an other thing... when the spirit moves.
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