The Shack

I started and will finish The Shack today. I remembered Kate writing about it on her blog.... And so I left a response there... It ended up being a "blog-like" entry and decided to share it here with you too...

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There are so many thoughts that I could blog about... I don't even know where to start... I sensed Jesus encouraging me to pick up this book in the past couple of days and it seems he's allowed a couple of sick days at home to start and finish it... And even more importantly... He and the book have arrived right on time.

I was particularly struck by something (or one of the many things) Sophia spoke to Mack...

...There must be a better way...

"There is. you just can't see it now. Return from your independence, Mackenzie. Give up on being his judge and know Papa for who he is. Then you will be able to embrace his love amidst your pain instead of pushing him away with your self-centered perception of how you think the universe should be. Papa has crawled inside your world to be with you, to be with Missy."

I've felt distant from my Bible lately... but on Monday night, I crawled in my clean sheets and turned on some quiet worship music. I felt hungry for the person of Jesus. Tangible Jesus. I've had that yearning a lot lately... But had decided that I wanted to read in the Bible about this tangible Jesus who "" touches the most raw and honest parts of our lives where we need to encounter him.

I decided on the book of Luke. My reasoning being that's where it talks about Jesus birth a very REAL and tangible part of humanity. I found myself reading chapter five and the story where Jesus is preaching to a crowd on the shore and he gets into one of the boats. He tells Simon to let the boats go into the deeper water and from there he continues to teach. After a series of events: no fish, throwing the nets into deeper water and then catching loads of fish... Simon Peter, feeling foolish comes to Jesus... In fact it says he falls at his knees! That's pretty intense... And it makes me wonder what could be going so wrong in a man's mind that he would feel condemned and frustrated enough to fall at Jesus' feet and exclaim, "Go away from me, Lord! I am a sinful man!" STOP There. Ahhh... When I read this line, it resonated so clearly in my Spirit. It's exactly how I felt.

"Jesus! Don't get an inch closer! Don't you see me? I am of so little faith right now! When you asked me to trust you - to throw out my nets deeper, I scoffed at you and doubted that your words could be true... Just look at me! I don't see how you can stand to even peer in my direction... Go away from me, please..."

When I arrived to Sophie and Mack's conversation which soon follows Mack's walk on the water with Jesus, my eyes were enlightened to how self-centered my response to sin is as well as my judgment of the the Father and Jesus. Ultimately, I see where I have come to the conclusion that in all of my messiness and sin that I deserve the "judgment" of rejection that I have determined for myself.... And not only that, I see where I have selfishly judged the Father has being One who rejects and turns his back on His children. Like peter, I have often concluded that I am too much for the Father.

Mmmm... I guess that's where my deep thought drops off... The more I read about Peter... I realize how much I resonate with similar thought patterns.

I hope in that moment, Jesus responded to him with something similar to what Papa and Sarayu said to Mack...

"Mackenzie..." "You really don't understand yet. You try and make sense of the world in which you live based on a very small and incomplete picture of reality. It is like looking at a parade through the tiny knothole of hurt, pain self-centeredness, and power, and believing you are on your own and insignificant. All of these contain powerful lies. You see pain and death as ultimate evils and God as the ultimate betrayer, or perhaps at best, as fundamentally untrustworthy. You dictate the terms and judge my actions and find me guilty.

The real underlying flaw in your life, Mackenzie, is that you odn't think that I am good. If you knew I was good and that everything - the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives, is covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me. But you don't."

..."Mackenzie, you cannot product trust just like you cannot 'do' humility. It either is or is not. Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me."

"I don't know how to change that..." Mack.

"You can't, not alone. But together we will watch that change take place. For now I just want you to be with me and discover that our relationship is not about performance or you having to please me. I'm not a bully not some self-centered demanding little deity insisting on my own way. I am good, and I desire only what is best for you. You cannot find that through guilt or condemnation or coercion, only through a relationship of love. And I do love you."

I'm sure Peter eventually figured it out... Seems like it was a long road to get there (John 21:15)... And it seems like I am on that journey too. My prayer is that along this path, Papa will continue to write and rewrite the story of my faith and trust in him... And that I would have eyes to see and a heart to know He is good.

"If you knew I was good and that everything - the means, the ends, and all the processes of individual lives, is covered by my goodness, then while you might not always understand what I am doing, you would trust me."