I'm still here and the Centurions Program.

Well, I realize it's been a bit since I've last written... but here I am! :-) Last week, I was accepted into this incredible program called Centurions. It is organized and facilitated by BreakPoint Ministries (part of Prison Fellowship Ministries, founded by Charles Colson) located in Washington, DC. For the past couple of years now, I have been reading books by Charles Colson. His commitment to solid truth and his experience interacting on multiple levels of society have inspired my joining the 2010 Centurions Program. In short, this program is a Christian apologetics course teaching Christians how to really live and defend their faith in all areas of society and culture. It's a challenge to Christians to view their faith as more than a personal relationship with God and their interactions in church. The course is meant to guide Christians in realizing how their Christian Worldview influences every part of life that they encounter. It then prepares them to lead and teach others about Christian Worldview and encourage them to live the same. In another post, I'll explain how I believe this course fits into a word God spoke to my heart about really being a Christian who lives and thrives outside of the walls of the church as an active part of the US society we live in...

Anyway, in just one week, God has already been stirring up my personal relationship with Him as well as bringing forth maturity and greater understanding in relation to others. As I poured over a couple of books and my daily devotion, I felt him already stretching my understanding. One of my first ponderings was on my reality of eternity. Do I really live with an eternal perspective? And how do I do so with balance - not negating the physical life and personal role that God has blessed me with on earth but recognizing that eternity is true reality. I was really challenged to think about life goals. I don't know about you, but there are a lot of times - weeks, months and years that I forget to really assess, what God has done or will do through my life. In regards to a personal mission statement, one of my friends, Tiffani, always comes to mind. Whenever she finds herself in a new situation, path of life, it seems like she is quite determined to define and clarify what God's purpose and mission for her for that time being. As I recall this now, I feel reaffirmed that I desperately long for time to not merely pass in my life. And as a passionate person, there are often times that I get swept up in the emotion of my (MANY) ideas and forget to really seek, plan and follow through with them. Now, I understand that I can't do everything, but I do think that there is an element where God is truly challenging me to think about how each year, week, day can be lived with purpose. How I can be a part of what He's doing that matters, both today and eternally.

I've also really been examining my heart on a couple of fronts. One of my prayers has been, "God, I know you've asked me to pursue this Centurions Program, but I need to hear directly from YOU, what the purpose really is. YOU have to show me how you want me to eventually use this wisdom you are imparting." It seems like a simple and qualified prayer, but you would be surprised by how many times I've already been intimidated by the enemy and questioned whether I should be a part of this program. One of the scriptures that I was referenced during my daily worldview devotional, was from the book of Revelation. It's the part referencing the woman and her children being hunted down by the dragon. The author of the devotional points out the final verse of Revelation, chapter 12. "Then the dragon was enraged at the woman and went off to make war against the rest of her offspring - those who obey God's commandments and hold to the testimony of Jesus." He challenges the reader to think about those who are living to defend and make known the testimony of Jesus, specifically in light of the spiritual battle in which we live. The enemy has come to rage war against us. As I examined what was going on in my heart and emotions, I saw the enemy already trying to bring before me a sense of discouragement, fear and intimidation - questioning my ability to take part in such a course, wondering if I would be able to remember and articulate what I was learning in order to really make a difference in transforming culture. I questioned whether what I was learning was even valid as it does not present a "spiritual feeling" on the surface of the subject. Despite my confidence over the past 10 months learning about Christian Worldview and insisting its necessity to everyone I spoke with, I suddenly started to question... But here's what I know is TRUE.

Jesus is in this. God has placed his children on a planet and he has specifically placed me in this nation called the United States. I believe that God has orchestrated specific institutions in this nation for the benefit of his people. As the acknowledgment of personal sin, righteousness, civility, morality and truth mark the people running these institutions, we end up with a civil society where the people are taken care of and the gospel is free to be spread. But how does that happen? Humanity is fallen, imperfect, selfish and can easily corrupt the most major corporation or public organization. That's where understanding what you believe really comes into play. What I've learned this past year is that what you truly believe about where life originated, the fallen state of man and its redemption is absolutely vital. These beliefs affect every way you live personally and interact with the rest of the world. If God's kingdom is going to invade our culture and society, it's going to come through his hands and feet - HIS KIDS. We embody Christ! YES, there are moments when God shatters the physical realm with his Spirit - moving through healings and Spiritual revivals, but on a day to day basis, most often, God will release his Spirit of Truth and elements of his Kingdom through His individual children! And that's our desire right? Whether it's my passion to end abortion in our nation or Ryan's desire to make truth known in Hollywood through film, it will be done through Christ in each one of us. But we must truly know Him. And knowing him involves us really understanding our faith beyond our personal salvation. It involves us communicating and defending the faith and how it really reflects the most true, right and successful way of living on earth. It's also means we need to understand the worldviews around us. What those who advocate pro-choice and abortions are really saying. What the humanistic, sexual and relativistic views in Hollywood really are and where they come from! This is the time for Christ to bring His Kingdom on earth through us! Though we desperately LONG for Jesus to return and reign as king, He hasn't arrived yet. And until then, we have an active role to play. We must press into His wisdom and truth as we reflect and make known this Jesus Christ who lives within us!

So, this is why I pursue the 2010 Centurions Program. I am so excited about learning and growing in wisdom and understanding. For me, it's really important that I would remain rooted in intimacy with Jesus during this season. I want to hear his quiet voice and be led only by Him. If you could pray that the Father would continue to root me in His perfect love and continue to drive out my fears that would be awesome. I'd also love prayer for help simply remembering what I am learning as well as the increase in my ability to articulate it well. Pray also for deeper humility and boldness as I grow in the fear and wisdom of God. Thank you!

5

I finished my application for the Centurions Program last night. I will definitely be blogging more on this subject in the weeks to come! Pray I get accepted... Anyway, there were a couple of (difficult) questions that stood out to me that I'd love to share with you and read your answers! Enjoy! Can't wait to hear from you!

1) List five works (books, movies, articles, sermons, speeches, websites, podcasts, song, etc.) that have been most influential in shaping who you are, what you think, and how you live. Describe what you gained from each piece and how it influenced you.

2) List your five favorite authors in rank order and briefly describe why they are your favorites.

(Not the) Mini-Blog (I intended)

I got an incredible email from my cousin Sarah on Saturday morning. I love that she's such a deep thinker. I felt so loved by her well-thought out words and ideas. I feel like her communication with me was a reflection of her communication with God. Intentional, focused, honest and humble.

Anyway, one of the things that really got me thinking in her email was the idea of God's intentions. She was referring to circumstances in her past and questioning God's unintention or intention for them happening. As I finished reading her email, I was still struck by that idea. Does God ever intend for bad things to happen? There were several thoughts reeling in my mind.

For the past several years I have learned about personal spiritual ministry and one of the concepts that we learned about was the idea of "injustices." These are circumstances in our lives that God didn't intend to happen. You know - HARD things in life. Rejection, other's sin affecting us, difficult circumstances, sickness, death... As a result of these circumstances, we as Christians are always presented with the opportunity to walk by the Spirit in life or respond by way of our sinful nature. Often in difficult circumstannces, we (almost by default) choose to sin. For me, I often deal with pain by running away, overly protecting myself by not being transparent, become angry or even enter into self-hatred and depression. But through repentance of our sin, God can forgive us, wash us clean and finally heal the pain caused from these injustices.

Anyway, I digress... The point of my thinking is intention. Does God ever intend for difficult circumstances to happen to his kids? After thinking about my understanding in light of what I have learned about injustices (probably only a few seconds of thought), I started thinking about the big picture of the Bible. The first person who came to mind was the woman Hannah. God is the one who opened her whom upon her pleading in faith, but how did her womb become closed in the first place? *pause* Okay, so I have to admit, that I JUST opened my Bible to check to see if it says why Hannah's womb was closed. So, if you're unsure yourself, go ahead and open up to 1 Samuel 1:5-6. Did you catch it? "But to Hannah he gave a double portion becaused he loved her, and the LORD had closed her womb. And because the LORD had closed her womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her." YWH closed Hannah's womb. It would be hard to argue that it was not his intention for her womb to be closed. And as you probably know, barrenness was almost a disease at the time. Talk about rejection and loss of life purpose. I think I would easily consider this an injustice needed to be prayed through... and that's part of my point. Scripture is littered with real live people whose stories are full of pain, trials, sin and suffering. You and I, we search the scriptures desiring to find hope and stories that we can relate to (or that relate to us)... We long to have affirmation that someone else has gone through similar circumstances as we have - especially when times get tough... But what would have happened if Hannah's story wasn't included? What if God had filled her womb from a young age? Would the barren mother today be able to relate? Would a couple have courage to keep praying or consider adoption - knowing that any child given to them is a gift from God?

I had an incredible conversation with my good friend, Kellie (she's attending ministry school at Bethel), a little while after reading Sarah's email. I brought up the subject and God reminded me of another blatant time that he very much intended for pain and suffering to come upon one of his (most dearly) loved children. JESUS! Not only do we know that Jesus had to suffer in his act of becoming sin for our redemption, the scripture clearly prophesies this pain, suffering and gruesome death that he undeservedly (but most intentionally) went through. There is absolutely no way that we can deny God's intention for such a horrific "injustice." Later when I spoke with Ryan, I thought about what it would have been like, praying through this injustice with Jesus. I mean, he knew it was coming. (Think garden of Gethsemane). His disciples could have been surrounding him, praying through this injustice - asking for God's healing for the Father's intention of turning his back on his son. The idea almost sounds a bit ridiculous, huh? (BTW: The irony of praying through "Jesus' injustice" is just incredible... Since he was actually the perfect form of justice - fulfilling the required payment for humanity's sin and rebellion)

I guess I'm left with a couple of ideas. The first is that I believe there are, in fact, times where God intends for pain, suffering and HARD circumstances for His children. (See Abraham and Isaac as another example). And finally, it's hard for me to grasp this one... but this whole idea has really got me thinking about the subject of pain. I mean, in our "world" pain is equated as something bad. Something you should definitely avoid. Something for which we console our friends. But it seems perhaps that pain in the kingdom of God may not be a "bad thing" at all. Is the pain we experience as humans ever actually a blessing from God? Is pain in God's kingdom actually a GOOD thing? It definitely has me thinking. And it sure seems like those who wrote the Scripture may have had some insight of what pain, suffering and trials really are... I'm not sure how else we could continually consider trials pure joy, unless we truly understand what they are in light of God's kingdom...

Thoughts?

(PS. As a disclaimer, not that I need one... I do intend to go back through the curriculum I have learned regarding personal restoration and study the biblical/theological references being the concept of injustices. I'll let you know what I find!)