Sara Groves

Painting Pictures of Egypt
I don’t want to leave here
I don’t want to stay
It feels like pinching to me
Either way
And the places I long for the most
Are the places where I’ve been
They are calling out to me
Like a long lost friend

It’s not about losing faith
It’s not about trust
It’s all about comfortable
When you move so much
And the place I was wasn’t perfect
But I had found a way to live
And it wasn’t milk or honey
But then neither is this

I've been painting pictures of Egypt,
I've been leaving out what it lacks
The future feels so hard,
And I wanna go back!
But the places that used to fit me,
Cannot hold the things I've learned
Those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned!

The past is so tangible
I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy
To discard
I was dying for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go
I am caught between the Promise
And the things I know

I've been painting pictures of Egypt,
I've been leaving out what it lacks
The future feels so hard,
And I wanna go back!
But the places that used to fit me,
Cannot hold the things I've learned
Those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned!

If it comes to quick
I may not appreciate it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
And if it comes to quick
I may not recognize it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?

Kindegarten

girls
Originally uploaded by bethanylee.

Yesterday I took some photos for Krista's classroom in Spanaway. What a blast. (: P.S. I hope you are all well. Sorry I haven't written in so long.

I want to be like you Jesus!!!

Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ
Then why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?

Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?

Who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet would stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despised the proud
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus!
I want to be like my Jesus!

Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I'm not sure what that means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I want to be like my Jesus

More.

Lord, I want more of you.
Jesus, my mind needs to be renewed.
I want to be consumed.
All of me transparent.
Come Lord.

I cannot do any more.
So many bags trying to prove myself.
And you strain to get my attention.
You're enough, I hear...
but distracted by the noise of my own thoughts.

Come invade.
Clear out the clutter.
Jesus.

-----
It's been a fantastic weekend. I am learning to love just "being" with my Lord. It's an absolutely beautiful day here in Tacoma. Sunshine all around. And I LOVE my windows. (: Lora came over and I took some pictures of her. Hehe...



I'm just realizing how much that I want all of my life to be consumed by the King of Kings. As my Lord. Ohhh sweet Jesus - all of my life invaded by your spirit. Above around and through. I've been seeking the Lord with this song...

"From you is everything,
Through you I can live again,
To you be all glory for evermore."
Desperation Band.

An answer.

Wow, guys it's been so long since I've blogged... Do forgive me and know that I am doing quite well... Perhaps that's why I've been away and haven't had the time to sit down and really share my heart with you. But now perhaps since I know there are more readers and the faithful readers have been beyond patient, I will speak or write. (:

Well, in recent news, I had a Birthday! YES, I am now 25 years old. It's hard to believe. Funny but I remember when other significant people in my life turned 25... "You're a quarter of a century" I'd spout at them with a smile and a snicker... And ah ha, here I am. I have arrived. 1/4 of a century. Honestly, I don't feel much different than 10 years ago. But praise the Lord for all the work he's done in my life since then. There are too many things for which to be thankful. But I can't be silent. The Lord has done so much in just the past year. Praise Him for the house of girls at Casa De Pine. Talk about experiencing real friendship. Praise Him for circumstances a bit difficult which have shown me his ultimate acceptance. Praise Him for pushing me forward and beyond my own capabilities of leadership and into greater authority. Praise Him for providing beyond my wildest imagination and fulfilling every prophetic word of living downtown and hosting a UWT House...

Anyway, on a practical note, work is going phenomenal. Recently I hired a gal to help me out with the internet department at the dealership... and this gal just happens to be Katie who was one of my housemates at my previous house and also in my disicpleship group. She is absolutely amazing. I cannot speak higher of her. The Lord has so gifted her with people and the capability to win these people over... In Greenville College Strengths Finder terms; she is a WOO!!!! She's unbelievable and I am so blessed to have her part of my team. PLUS... Listen to this, she's "sold" or been a part of 5 sold cars in one week! Isn't that incredible? I'm so proud of her...

Life in my apartment is great. I love Jenna and Hannah. There are just three of us living there but I am praying that the Lord will provide that fourth person. For the past two months we've been provided for and haven't had to pay rent with the contract we are in at Court 17... This month is our first month "official" and the Lord has sufficiently provided financially for the three of us to live here... It's such a gift and I am blown away by his greater plan... In the meantime we've asked one girl and I considered asking another to move in but it just hasn't been the right fit... On the other hand though, I met an amazing gal Lindsey who absolutley loves the Lord and UWT campus. She came over for dinner last night and we had such a great time; talking aobut the Lord and sharing our lives. What an amazing woman. She has been through so much and I believe that the Lord is going to start reviving and healing her heart where she needs it. What an incredible testimony! We're going to start meeting on Sundays and digging into the Freedom book together...

So last week for my Birthday my roommates took me to get my nails done and then we went out for dinner... I haven't ever got my nails done and it was so much fun and so relaxing... I loved it! My nail color is called "Lincoln Park After Dark." It's a super dark purple... Then Friday night some other gals planned another party up in Seattle... Dinner at a small Italian place in Belltown and then dessert at a different cute place... if you haven't seen the pictures, check out flickr.com/photos/bleev - We had a blast. I was so blessed by their words and gifts. It was so amazing because every gift was so strategic and felt exactly from the Lord. It was like he was looking at my heart and knew what I needed or would LOVE without me even asking for it.

Oh and some interesting but still fun... And definitely has brought some "excitement" into my life... I met a couple of great guys a couple of weeks ago... Unique stories but I am so blessed. It's funny because just the week before I told Jennalise that I had asked the Lord for a husband... Anyway, I think so highly of both of the gentlemen and am SO grateful for the experieences of getting to know them, whether anything "becomes" of the situations or not. I pray that Jesus would bless them and draw them closer to His heart. And that perhaps our paths will cross again.

So... you have to know that I've been DESPERATE for the Lord to show up... Do you ever feel the tendency to be "normal". It's especially scary when you start to become "normal" and you kind of like it. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *shriek* When my mom left on Monday last week, I was driving home and sensed that the Lord was just reigniting my heart. I declared out loud in my car that I wasn't satisfied that I needed more in my life. I moved downtown but it wasn't enought. Reignite my passion. Give me something greater to move toward, Lord! I NEED MORE of you. My heart needs to be refreshed. I am in desperate need for a new breath of life to get my feet going and my heart spurred on... And He met me all week last week... Thursday night we had a gentleman from Integrity Media come and share his heart with us. I was so encouraged by so many of his little/big truths... but especially one... He told us that as we seek God for a huge vision and greater destiny he will give us the desire to pursue greater discipline in our lives to fulfill the vision. Yes, Lord! I need to be reinspired for my vision to be expanded... I want to be ready for what you have for me... for the dullness to leave my intimacy with you. For the Word to be reignited everytime I open it. For truth to pour into my heart and over flow. For me to be pouring out strategically where youv'e called me now. Oh Lord that you'd discipline my heart... And Jesus rip out all of my pride that has convinced me that by some crazy way I could live this life on my own and in my own strength... Oh Jesus, I apologize for every way that I have sought recognition and turned to pride... I am desperate for you, Lord. And my sense from the Lord the entire time of seeking His face for greater vision and refreshment in Him is CONFIDENCE. Confidence that He WILL meet me. And so after church I fell to my knees on my apartment floor and told him that I wasn't leaving until I was changed. I cried out and opened the word and poured over Philippians. My JOY had been stolen and sorrow/depression had crept in and silenced my heart... And HE met me. With every provoking scripture I stumbled over, I stopped, worshipped His heart, confessed my sin, intereceded and cried out for more. He met me...

And today a friend emailed me with this scripture reference beneath his name: Psalm 65:5. Do you know what it says? I was so thrilled and felt like the Lord was answering my cries directly... And that's what it says!

5 You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness,
O God our Savior,
the hope of all the ends of the earth
and of the farthest seas.

Lord YOU ANSWER ME! Every cry for more, for refreshment, atonement... You answer... and you come with deeds of righteousness - that all may see your Glory. You rescue. You forgive. You fulfill promises. You breathe in new life. And YES Lord - YOU are my God - the one and only, my saviour who sanctifies me daily, you are the HOPE that does not disappoint. And not only for me, but to the ends of the earth. Yes! The vision you've given me for the nations, YES you fulfill and come through for them in equality. Oh Jesus thank you.

Lord, You are the treasure. And I will seek until I find you. I will not stop. I will not leave this place until your spirit fills and completes me. I will run to ends of the earth.

Be blessed by this song...
Treasure, Desperation Band.
Your breath is like rain
Your word it sustains me
I've come to this place
With intentions of finding You
Your truth is a lamp
Your wisdom my light
I'm seeking Your face
With intentions of finding You
I would run for a thousand years
If I knew every step would be getting me closer
I'd swim to the ocean floor
For my Lord is the treasure
My Lord is the treasure
Holy holy
Holy is the Lord...

So, I pray that as you seek the Lord for your hearts desires that you will pray with confidence knowing He answers. That he is worth the search.

P.S. One last thing! YOU MUST buy Stephen Baldwin's Book, The Unusual Suspect. My dear friend, Sherry was reading my blog and let me borrow it. You will laugh, cry, be surprised by his intimacy with the Lord and revelation into the spiritual realm. It's SUCH a good book. I highly recommend it. In fact, I just bought three copies off of amazon last week. Hehe...

I love you all and pray for many blessings and refreshment to your souls this week.

Awakening.

Face down with the LA curbside endings
With the ones and zeros.
Downtown was the perfect place to hide.
The first star that I saw last night was a headlight
Of a man-made sky, but man- made never made our dreams collide,
Collide.

Here we are now with the falling sky and the rain,
We're awakening
Here we are now with our desperate youth and the pain,
We're awakening
Maybe it's called ambition, you've been talking in your sleep
About a dream, we're awakening

Last week found me living for nothing but deadlines,
With my dead beat sky but, this town doesn't look the same tonight
These dreams started singing to me out of nowhere
And in all my life I don't know if I've ever felt so alive,
Alive

I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want a heart that I know is beating,
It's beating,
I'm bleeding

I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to live like I know what I'm leaving
I want a heart that I know is beating,
It's beating… it’s beating…

I'm bleeding

So for the past week now I've been sick. For the past three weeks I've felt like I've come up against something big. At first it was a bunch of sorrow, disappointments, frustrations amidst joy, excitement, anticipation, a fresh living situation, a new culture downtown... And then I got sick. Last Monday afternoon I felt it coming on. Blech... and it still hasn't fully left. I was basically out of commission until yesterday. Phew!

I don't know if you ever have dry times with the Lord. Do you ever wonder where these days or even weeks come from? Perhaps you've been met with failure who tells you, that you haven't gone to church enough, or prayed enough. Perhaps, you've met hopelessness that has encouraged you to give up all together. Or maybe it was independence and performance that drove you to figuring things out on your own leaving you feeling distanced from the Lord.

In contrast what does it look like to be saturated by the Lord? In Jeremiah, it talks about our trust in the Lord being like a lush well watered tree.

7 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.

8 He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."

And in Psalms David refers to our delighting in the law or the Word of the Lord.

2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

3 He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.

Ooohh... Yes, it's not that my spirit has been crushed or abandoned by the Lord. But my soul feels a little dry and cracked. So today I face the questions, "Where have I not trusted and what does my intake of the Word look like?" Anxiety in the past few weeks? Oh yes. Skimping on my times with the Lord? Ohh but "life has been so busy with all my transition." No excuses really suffice, but I am grateful that it's His kindness that leads me to repentance and running to the center of the rushing river, and not His frustration or condemnation that "I should have known better." And I am grateful that it is His heart that draws me to His father. I long to drink deeply.

Last night I went to a Switchfoot concert up in Seattle, which is a story in itself. But it was a blast. They opened with the song above. Something switched in my Spirit. When I got home last night - despite the fact that it was almost midnight, I felt alive again! The clouds that seemed to fog my mind and clarity burst open and the floods began fill my heart again. I felt HUNGRY - desperate for the Word, longing to be near to my Father's heart. To hear him speak to my soul. To be so near. A longing for intimacy. For my cracks to melt away as His spirit saturated my entire being. So here I am. Awakened. I still have a stuffy nose, but my Spirit is ready for the next race.

I pray that your heart too, would be saturated. That you would draw near and allow Him to fulfill all that your heart desires. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

And my confidence remains not in that my heart remains malleable as it is today or tomorrow, or that you reach this same understanding but in MY GOD who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Fireplace Room!

Well, I am sitting in the fireplace room on the first floor of Court 17. It is raining outside. To the right of my couch is a tall window facing the north. Outside is a large courtyard that spreads to from the west to the east. To the left is a large BBQ gas grill that will make for some fun barbeque summer evenings here in the city. Can you tell that I just ADORE this place?! I am home from work for the second day in a row today... On Monday afternoon, I felt the sicky-cells invading my body and since then have been wiped out! Phew. (: I have so much to write and share from my heart but feel like the Lord has captured my mind for awhile - to keep me from thinking clearly or about anything at all - except for rest... I love where I am at friends. The Lord is so good and continues to pour out abundantly... I can sense that the enemy is unhappy with the victory that Jesus continues to have in my life but I continue to press forward grasping to hold onto the truth that I have not been left behind, nor am I failing Him in anyway... Oh Jesus, thank you for being so near to my heart. I pray that you would continue to manifest yourself in the day to day.

Life keeps pressing forward and circumstances seem to whirlwind about me day after day... Jennalise is soon moving in and her life is rushing forward! A new house, job, opportunities at school. So exciting. Hannah and my friendship is blossoming - in time... and Jesus is still so faithful to reveal himself as I seek His face. Thanks for not giving up on me, King. I still love photography with a passion and seem to find more of His glory as I continue to shoot... More words to come, I hope. I love you!

Saturday Afternoon.

It is Saturday afternoon February 10 and it's been quite the week with not enough time to write about it now... but I do want to share a few pictures that I took of Isabelle today. She was absolutely adorable... (:



An update will come tomorrow.

Please Come

Oh, the days when I drew lines around my faith
To keep you out, to keep me in, to keep it safe
Oh, the sense of my own self entitlement
To say who's wrong or won't belong or cannot stay

'Cause somebody somewhere decided
We'd be better off divided Isn't is just like the enemy to attack every strategic friendship/relationship with this scheme?
And somehow despite the damage done
He says, "come" ... Amen?

There is room enough for all of us, please come
And the arms are open wide enough, please come
And our parts are never greater than the sum
This is the heart of the One
Who stands before an open door and bids us, "come"

Oh, the times when I haved failed to recognise
How may chairs are gathered there around the feast
To break the bread and break these boundaries
That have kept us from our only common ground
The invitation to sit down
If we will come ...

There is room enough for all of us, please come
And the arms are open wide enough, please come
And our parts are never greater than the sum
This is the heart of the One
Who stands before an open door and bids us, "come"

Come, from the best of humanity
Come, from the depths of depravity
Come now and see how we need
Every different bead on this same string
Come ...

There is room enough for all of us, please come
And the arms are open wide enough, please come
And our parts are never greater than the sum
This is the heart of the One
Who stands before an open door and bids us, "come"

Technology and Teachings...

So... I have to show you the coolest toys that I got last weekend... If you don't already know, I am MOVING! Yes! Tomorrow, Hannah and I will go sign our one year lease at Court 17 apartments downtown Tacoma! Woohoo! (: We are thrilled. I can't wait to show you more pictures. Anyway, one of my latest purchases for our apartment is an iPod and it's partner, JBL on Time. It's sweet! It's actually an alarm clock but may be placed in our kitchen for music for the time being...



Isn't it cute? I like to say, "Beautiful and Functional." Hehe... Love it.

Now on to the teachings... Wow, I have been learning so much. I'm not sure why but it seems like the Lord has given me so many revelations lately. He seems to speak to me a lot about His heart, but I am often left with greater questions without any answers... I wonder if that's his secret plan. (: That once we get to know a little piece of who He is, he prompts us with greater questions, wonderings - so that we never get tired of pursuing Him. Anyway, I have been reading through Job in the One Year Chronological Bible, which I LOVEE by the way... Along with it I picked up, "What the Bible is All About" by Henrietta Mears off my shelf... I am just a few chapters away from finishing Job, but decided to dig into what her revelation of it is... Wow... I have been blown away, and like I said the Lord has revealed so many roads to travel on this journey...

Let me begin with this song that I absolutely love... It's called "If You Say Go," and is sung by Rita Springer (amazing woman), on the "Sweetly Broken" cd.

If you say go we will go
If you say wait we will wait
If you say step out on the water and they say it can’t be done
We’ll fix our eyes on you and we will come

Your ways (Your ways, Your ways) are higher than our ways
And the plans that You have laid are good and true
If You call us to the fire You will not withdraw Your hand
We’ll gaze into the flames and look for You

We’ll gaze into the flames and look for You

So, I'm sure like most of the rest of the world you have wondered why bad things happen to good people... There are probably too many books and philosophies to count... As I read through Job, the subject didn't necessarily jump out at me, but as I pressed into Henrietta's revelations I was blown away by the Lord's heart.

It is easy to become confused about the problem of suffering. Remember, the disciples of Christ thought that suffering was the result of sin in a life. (John 9:2). The book of Job gives an entirely different reason for the suffering of Job. In this case, Job was being honored by God. It was the truth that God could trust Job to remain faithful to God in spite of everything...

God trusted Job; therefore He assigned to him this great problem of suffering. Because He loved Job He allowed him to be chastened, for "because the Lord disciplines those he loves". When Job was in the midst of his anguish, he realized it is only the gold that is worth putting into the fire. Anything else would be consumed...

Stop there. "...he realized that it is only gold that is worth putting into the fire." Whoa. I LOVE that... God doesn't just put a flimsy bail of hay or straw into the fire. He sees it's frailty, it's immediate consumption. Look at the Lord's heart here! He allowed the most righteous man to be put through the fire. Look at how much he loves His children. You my friend who have seen trial after trial are gold... It makes me think of this quote John Eldredge refers to in "The Sacred Romance." He is talking about our "inner life" the true, eternal part of our hearts.

The inner life, the story of our heart, is the life of the deep places within us, our passions and dreams, our fears and our deepest wounds. It is the unseen life, the mystery within - what Buechner calls our "shimmering self."

I LOVE that. Shimmering self... and how does that gleam remain shiny and keep from becoming clouded by sin, the world... The fire... Don't you see?

Only pure gold can stand the fire. All dross is burned up. God the great metallurgist of heaven, puts us in the fire and watches and tries us Himself. He trusts no other. When the fire has burned long enough to destroy the imnpurities. He pulls us out.

Did you hear that? He doesn't turn us over to the enemy for us to be consumed. He TRUSTS no one else to burn away the impurities in our lives. But because of His TRUST and ultimately His TENDER love does He use US - the righteous, the good hearted - to be tested... Ultimately to reveal His character to everyone - as the Sovereign God who loves His people with abandon... And yet I know there's more. As I type these words, I sense that there are words left that cannot describe His heart toward us during our trials. It's more than just "feeling bad for us" or "wanting us to suffer" there is a pride to call us His own, a sense of honor to witness our courage, faith and trust in Him...

If You call us to the fire You will not withdraw Your hand
We’ll gaze into the flames and look for You

We’ll gaze into the flames and look for You

So as the Lord may call you into fire, or you unknowingly discover that you're amidst the flames, my prayer is that you will see His face. And it will not be a face of anger or satisfaction, but one of honor and pride. And I promise You WILL see Him. He is there. And ultimately when He pulls you out, your "shimmering self" will glisten more and your spirit will be more alive than you could ever imagine...

*smile* Isn't he so tender and yet so sovereign?

The tide is coming in...

Last Thursday night we had our second evening of a series of videos by Reinhard Bonnke. If you haven't heard of him, he is a ultimate evangelist to the nations. As a young boy at the age of nine, God called him to be a missionary/evangelist to Africa... Since then he has been to numerous countries and thousands upon thousands have come to know Jesus. The videos are so neat. They are arranged as small interviews or bible studies that Reinhard leads a few people in while in different countries. His messages are so clear and simple. The Love of Christ which compels us to love and share His love with others. It's so provoking to your spirit. I was so encouraged by numerous little stories he shared, but this one in particular. As a young boy he grew up in an area where the tides often come in an out. Along with a friend he'd often find himself in a ship yard with dozens of enormous ships (tons and tons of pounds.) And as the tide was out, he wouldn't dare dream of moving it. It was the impossible. However, as soon as the tide came in, he could move the entire ship with one strong kick of his leg. How powerful!!! The impossible became possible as the tide came in. Reinhard likened this picture to the power of Christ in our lives. God says that we can move mountains with our faith... As Christ's power moves in our lives the impossible becomes possible. We too can move the heavy burdens, or large ships that stand in our way. Isn't it such a beautiful picture? And oohhh the beauty of the ocean and the tide coming in. It reminded me of this song written and performed by David Crowder...

Here is our King... Bask in the lyrics for a moment (I love all of them) or download it from iTunes!!

From wherever spring arrives to heal the ground
From where ever searching comes to look itself
A trace of what we're looking for
so be quiet now, and wait

The ocean is growing
The tide is coming in
Here it is:

Here is our King
Here is our Love
Here is our God who's come to bring us back to him
He is the one,
He is Jesus

And what was said to the rose to make it unfold
Was said to me, here in my chest
So be quiet now, and rest.

Majesty!
Finally!

I love it. Don't you hear Him? Calling you back to His arms? Beckoning you into his heart. He's urging you to understand that there is more. He's opening the delicate places of your heart. He longs for you to shine. To come alive. To step into His power where ALL things are possible...

Last night after church (which was absolutely phenomenal - Thank you Jesus for anointing Chris Hippe)... I picked up the book The Sacred Romance by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge... Funny how sometimes cerain situations can really draw you into desiring greater intimacy with Jesus - to be filled and lifted into His heart.

Some years into our spiritual journey, after the waves of anticipation that mark the beginning of any pilgrimage have begun to ebb into life's middle years of service and business, a voice speaks to us in the midst of all that we are doing. There is something missing in all of this, it suggests. There is something more.

The voice often comes in the middle of the night or the early hours of mnorning, when are hearts are most unedited and vulnerable. At first we mistake the source of this voice and assume it is just our imagination. We fluff up our pillow, roll over, and go back to sleep. Days, weeks, even months go by and the voice speaks to us again: Aren't you thirst? Listen to your heart. There is something missing.

We listen and we are aware of... a sigh. And under the sign is something dangerous, something that feels adulterous and disloyal to the religion we are serving. We sense a passion that threatens a total disregard for the program we are living; it feels reckless, wild. Unsettled, we turn and walk quickly away, like a woman who feels more than what she wants to when her eyes meet those of a man not her husband...

And on it continues, the authors beckon you to understand that the call of your heart into greater things, is indeed the voice of God!! He is calling you out into life! I love his picture of the ebbs and flows of life. Again, so powerful. I pray that as the Lord is whispering adventure, life, purpose into your heart that you would respond with a quickness. That the love He has shown you would be ignited into flame and touch those with sincere love around you. That the impossible passions, dreams and visions for your life would come alive by the power of Jesus Christ.

2 Timothy 1:6 > This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you. For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self discipline.

If you find yourself repeatedly hitting the wall of fear and hesitation, the time has come!! Allow the love of Jesus Christ to inflitrate your life and empower you as you fan into flames the spiritual gift and calling God has given you!!! The time is now. Fly!

Word of Fire

Word of Fire

We’re needing to hear from You,
Word of Life, come wake the dead within,
We’re starving to taste your truth,
Breath of God, come fill our hearts again.

Chorus:
Word of Fire fall, burn through every wall
Standing in the way, of what you have to say.
Spirit, take your sword, slay the flesh that fights
We’re listening for your voice…
We’re looking for your light.
Please do not pass us by,
Speak the Word that makes all darkness flee.

Let your anointing fall,
Loose our chains and set Your Children free.

Bridge:
We’re needing to hear from You, Lord.
We’re needing to hear from You. (2x’s)

Written by Jason Holdridge. All rights reserved.

I found this song when I searched for Bethany Dillon on iTunes. Holy Moly. It is ANOINTED. Unbelievable. I have been playing it on repeat now for the 3rd time. It's so amazing. You MUST download it immediately!! (:

Anyway, believe it or not, I have MOREEEE to share since I last wrote. I know, crazy huh... So on Monday I was so excited to tell my boss about what Jesus is doing and how he moved so quickly with this whole downtown deal... He was happy to hear and then asked me what the difference is in my living expenses and he told me that he would make sure they got taken care of! Isn't that such a gift? Seriously, it's straight from the Lord and I am blown away. He is so strategic and such a provider.

Then last night I went over to hang out with Jena Hippe and her boys. They were so great. I haven't spent time with them for awhile so it was a blast being with those little guys. I LOVEEE them dearly... and baby Caleb is growing so quickly... Jena and I had so much fun just catching up and sharing with her all that Jesus has been doing... and vice versa. She has been so fired up by the Lord to pursue intercession again together as women. So she gave us this amazing article about revival. Power, for sure.

Chris and Jena both arrived home a little after 10 and then Paulette came to talk to Jena and Chris and I were chatting... and he said, "Want to hear something really great?" I told him that I didn't know if I could handle anything else... but go for it... and he said that He and Jena are going to take over overseeing and leading all the COLLEGE TEAMS!!!!! I shouted and spun around the room so excited. In so many ways it is an answer to prayer!! There has been such a cry of my heart to still be led as I pursue leadership. I know I am meant to be a pioneer, but still there is a part of me that longs to be led. It's such an answer to prayer and what the Lord spoke to specifically two weeks ago when I'd prayed with my roommates. Ahh... Unbelievable. And I just LOVE the Hippe's. They are SO special to me... I never knew that when I started working for PChev that Chris and Jena would have such an impact on my life... Ahhh... (:

Well, on another note, I've been furniture shopping and think I found a beautiiifull couch tonight. I will show you soon! (: I talked to Carrell our building manager today and she said she hadn't heard from the building applications department yet... So we're still waiting! Hopefully tomorrow! (:

Alrighty! I love you guys. Thanks for your encouragement...

No Less. Joy Williams.

Every word that I have ever said
Is it true or just what's in my head
I can say my life is in Your hands
But You're askin' me where do I stand
Will they see if I am serious
When it comes to me who do I really trust

I wanna give my all and no less
I wanna live my life with no regrets
I'll listen to the call
Cause You gave it all
So when You put me to the test
I'm gonna give You no less

Wanna live the dream inside of me
See the plan for who I'm meant to be
Doing all the things I know I can
Not just wishing that I had
Pushin' on and never givin' up
Any less is never gonna be enough

You felt so much pain
It's hard to believe
You gave so much away
You came to me with nothing to gain
You offered your best
Jesus You gave Yourself
And now I am giving You no less

Wanna give You everything
Nothing holding back
Wanna show You just what I mean
Doesn't matter what they say
No, I don't care about that
You're the only One that I need

Court 17.

Apartment #523! (: Woohoo!

Just waiting for our applications to go through!

A whirlwind week.....

Omigoodness people. It has been a rollercoaster!! Well... From my last update you found out that I am leading UWT Ministry!!! I am SOOO excited... It didn't start that way... It was about a week ago that I had committed to officially leading UWT... Last Saturday night I told Sean that I would call him on Tuesday and we'd talk more details...

Well Tuesday arrived snowy and blustery. In fact I had a dentist appointment at 7:20 AM and my roommate did as well - same place even!! It was soo snowy but we made it safely on time for our appointments... Following, I slowly trekked over to Puyallup for a business planning meeting for 2007. It was intense. I had such a revelation of these men's hearts with whom I work. I am SO grateful for them. We went over some business deals and then Tim (my boss and GM) asked each of us individually about our teams and about our jobs - what we did well, and not so well... I was last. While I was sitting there the Lord revealed so much and asked me if I could see their hearts and what was my response. It was intense. Anyway, Tim got to me and I started speaking truth about them all and then it kind of snowballed downhill. The Lord brought up so much of my own insignificance and Tim called it out in my life. Bam. I started crying. It was so convicting and I just felt a bit rotten. I just saw again where the Lord was calling me up to USE the authority that had already been GIVEN to me. Its not that I had to search for it or work it out, I just need to walk, no RUN into it... Phew... I ended up talking to Susanne on the phone over lunch after a phonecall with Sean (not very good one)... It just felt like the Lord was just surfacing so much in my heart... Further, it was a little bit scary to have my heart unveiled before these men... I think they were a little surprised when I revealed my heart and areas of insignificance....

Well about that conversation with Sean. I was excited about UWT but at the same time still struggling in my heart... Just not Bethany at all... Well... Anyway, I came home and it was a mellow evening... Wednesday rolled around and I talked to Susanne again and told her how I wanted to pray with her through some things about discipleship. Another story, but I knew the Lord was pressing in to some areas from this past summer with certain relationships... Anyway, the Lord exposed even more places in my heart... of anger, of control, of fear of abandonment... It was just such a tender night of vulnerability with my dear friend Susanne. I felt so special and honored to share my heart with her and vice versa... And I left feeling so much better. Confident, clarity and ready to pursue the Lord's true love for my heart...

Thursday. PHEW. The engines of my life just got fired up. It was a normal day at work, but today I got a text message from Jennalise (my roommate) about my friend Hannah. Hannah is a student at UWT and will finish this fall... She has been on our UWT team and we met SOOOO many years ago - right when I moved here actually. I LOVE her... Anyway, she told Jennalise about how she really wanted to move downtown. I called Hannah right away with my excitement to pursue it with her. I seriously havne't really thought about it in much depth, and wasn't even sure if she really wanted to do it with me... Anyway, we decided to get together and begin interceding for the campus again... and also meet yesterday (Saturday at 10AM) for coffee at Firehouse...

Dooo doo doo... Saturday arrived and we met... While we were talking we decided we might as well just head down to the Harmon building (where the Revalesio office is) and check out the lofts. No one answered my call and no one has responsed to my email since Thursday when I contacted them... So instead we walked through the Artists lofts where a gal from church lives... Ehhh... Not at all what we are looking for... A little shabby and too alternative for what we were hoping for our UWT gals... So we decided to wait for the Harmon people to call us back... On our way back to Firehouse we stopped at this brand new apartment building right on UWT campus. They were having an open house and so we toured the place... Omigosh. Unbelievable. Brand new apartments overlooking the city. They took us upstairs to the 5th floor and the living room literally has a 180 degree view of the city - mountains, water, city. LOVE IT LOVE IT!!!!!!! 2 blocks away from the convention center where we have Jesus- Ministry Conference. A block away from UWT buildings, across from the Old Spaghetti Factory and right down the way from the Rev office!!! WOOHOO. I immediately fell in love...

Hannah and I left and decided to pray on our own... All day long the Lord spoke to me and specificlally regarding my finances... How he wanted me to provide for the girls furniture wise, make it a place that they love to come home too. That it would be beautiful and comfy..Unbelievable... Anyway thi spalce is amazinnggg! A work out facility, conference room, living community area, a huge porch... with a grill... A full block of a soon to be Japanese Garden, a soon to be built UWT Sports Complex and coffee shop... I am thrilled. So I brought two of my roommates back with me yesterday and then met Hannah at church. After theservice we talekd. The Lord had confirmed it in both of our hearts, it IS TIME to run!!!!!!!

Soooo... today I went back with Jarrad and Casey Mock and Hannah and I turned in our applications for residence and I put on hold THEEEEEEEEEE apartment. Floor 5. Apt 532. Overlooking the city!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know, shocking huh. It's unbelievable and I love it. I can't wait for you to see more. It is SO nice. So that's my story. We're hopefully moving in next weekend. Haha!! Oh and another God deal. The first two months rent are FREE. Hehe... Sweet. My dear frien dLora was so kind today and went with me to IKEA... what a blast.... Kerri is helping me do some major bargain shopping... Las tnight Susanne and I were up till after 2am just talking... It was such a blast. I lvoe her. The Lord has just birthed and grown such a beatufiul frienship with her. I am gratefull....

Alright, I am exhausted. I didn't sleep at all last night - well I was thinking about it all last night... And I woke up so early this morning and have been going since... So I'm done for tonight...

Jesus, I'm so excited. Your story is just such an adventure and I'm SO grateful to play a role... What a gift. Guys, I really felt like it was Christmas yesterday!!!!!! Weehee!!

1-13-07...

It's Saturday morning. 11:32 AM.

I just finished cleaning up some photos on my computer. Ever since I got my new one I take TOO many pictures. I know... You may be in shock that those words have exited my fingers. But it's nice... And I have a pretty wintry background on my screen. Aaron Schust is singing to our wonderful King in the background of my typing. I love iTunes. (: Something I use every day, but really I am thankful!! I mean come on, who would have thought 10 years ago we'd put all our music on our computers and then even an iPod. Hehe...

Well, this morning I woke up and decided to clean my room... Instead of procrastinating all day long and dreading it when I come home from church tonight... Before cleaning my room I was surfing the Internet. I found myself at Kate McDonald's Blog. If you don't know who she is, she is Bethany Dillon's older sister and Shawn McDonald's wife. Both are well known Christian artists these days... Anyway, she and Shawn are pregnant with their first baby!! So exciting! You should go to her blog. It's well worth reading. She is a writer. In more eloquent words - her heart flows from her fingers. It's beautiful. Not only does she bring encouragment through her pursuit of the Lord in Scripture, but her honesty and vulnerability about her life and heart is a spectacle.

I was challenged and encouraged to share my own heart. Sometimes when I think about blogging, I feel like I don't have much to say. Most days seem like the day before in regards to "normal" life, but the change usually feels like it is with ME. My heart.

So will you jump out of a plane with me? (:

Two nights ago, I received a phone call from a dear friend who is part of our church leadership. Specifically, he and his wife (Sean and Katie) have been leading our ministry at University of Washington Tacoma. Now, if you don't already know. The Lord has been growing this passion in my heart for college students. I don't know where it really came from, I just believe so much FOR them. In who they are. Their potential. So when I joined the UWT last summer, I really had no clue where the Lord would have me today... Anyway, back to two nights ago...

Let me set the scene a little further for the evening. Thursdays we usually have house time where we all get together and eat dinner and then spend some time fellowshipping with each other. Well, I wasn't in a super "hang out" mood so I came downstairs to my room to spend some time with Jesus. I have been reading a One Year Chronological Bible... and I love it. That day and the days before I had been reading about Jacob, Leah and Rachel. I found myself drawn in to the stories of these women. Specifically their barrenness or bearing of children. I wondered why it was so important back them to have children and what it might mean spiritually for us today. The Lord also reminded me of passages in Isaiah about barren women... "Sing O Childless Woman! Break forth into loud and joyful song, O Jerusalem, even though you never gave birth to a child. For the women who could bear no children now has more than all the other women," says the Lord. When we studied these verses as women at my church, the Lord shared that this "birthing of children" was a representation of us as women birthing our calling!!! I felt urged to go back and read about the women I'd already studied in the prior chapters, Sarah, Hagar as well as review the story of Hannah. I wanted to know their response to bearing children and their desire for children.

Sarai/Sarah - Just like any other woman of her time. She felt the pressure and necessity to bear a child. Sarai was special though. The Lord had SPOKEN over her being the wife of a man who would bear children that were numbered as the stars. Trouble: She was olldd! How could she ever have a child. So... she attempts her own plan to get pregnant. (Isn't this just like our hearts? The Lord has spoken over your life. Perhaps we've grown in age... or maybe we just don't SEE our calling being worked out or even 5 miles in the distance. - How quickly and easy it is for us to conspire our own plan to see it come into life.)

Leah - Second place. Last chosen in dodge ball. The middle child. Everyone knew that Jacob loved Rachel. If she could just prove herself by having children, son after son, just maybe then Jacob would take notice and love her. (Maybe you know what it's like to be in the shadows. To never know what it's like to be the chosen one. So in order to receive the attention and acceptance you're craving you try to pursue numerous activities or throw yourself into your calling in hopes that people will notice. That you will receive praise for your achievements and accomplisments...)

Rachel (Leah's sister) - The chosen one. The one everyone calls beautiful. The popular one. She seems to have everything... Maybe her friends and neighbors would have said she has it "all"...except a child. Her reaction? Jealousy, hatred toward her sister. Again we see her taking matters into her own hands. (Perhaps you feel like the gal who does have it all together. What more could you want? You're provided for, have a "second half," a good job, success, beauty, safety... but there is something missing. A whole in your heart. A place of emptiness where passion should reside. How do you deal with this pain/desire? Do you look at everyone else and their callings - Jealousy? Do you rise up in pride - finding significance an all the "other things" you have? Or perhaps find yourself in hopelessness, defeat and insignificance.)

Hagar - I want to go back and talk about Hagar. Remember Sarah? Well, Hagar is Sarah's servant. She is forced to marry Abraham and birth for him a child an heir. Can you imagine her pain? Feelings of being used, manipulated. Loneliness. No one to care for her. And imagine after giving birth to the child you are thrown out of the house to fend for herself. (Do you know what it's like to have your calling come from seemingly no where? Dropped in your lap? Or maybe you feel like you were pushed into something to figure it out all on your own? Even an already existing ministry that someone else has abandoned.)

Hannah - And finally we get to Hannah. What a spectacle. Here just like many of the other women, Hannah is without child. But we find her at the Tabernacle, weeping unashamed as she worshipped the Lord. She asked with abandon to the Lord for a child. Her response when Samuel was born? Worship. And in return for receiving her child, she gave him back to the Lord. (Wow, what a picture... not only crying out but then giving her passion, heart's desire back to the one who giveth.)

And so here I was Thursday night, with only half of these thoughts formulated in my head... After laying down my Bible and Journal and before heading upstairs to say goodnight to my roommates, I check my phone. There was a message from a number not stored in my phone book. I listened... It was from Sean Hughes, like I said earlier, our worship leader and head of UWT Ministry. He told me he knew I wouldn't be surprised but he and Katie were stepping down from the ministry and think I would be a great fit along with another gal to take the lead. I freaked a bit. I don't know why change is so difficult sometimes, but it was hard. I cried. Not that I didn't want to do it, but because I DO! Because I know that Jesus is calling me to step up to the plate. I had the same feelings about 9 months ago when my boss left Parkland Chevrolet and went back into full time ministry as our pastor. I all of a sudden felt like I was abandoned. And afraid of being alone. I didn't call Sean back but prayed to the Lord and knew I had to read about Hannah before I went to sleep that night.

Friday came along and I had to talk to someone so I called my friend and roommate Susanne and told her I needed to pray when I got home from work... We did... And asked the Lord what he wanted to say about the new season and this circumstance. It was so enlightening. Some of it I knew... I could already sense my internal struggle but some was just made SO clear...

1) My desire for deeper friendships and more intimate relationships, specically among our UWT Team... I'm not just about "getting the job done." but I long for the TEAM to be developed. True love among all of us and then for us to be sent out to the campus. We already know that Jesus has marked it for His own. We already know that he is crying over the students and for them to know Him and their true identities more than we can imagine or desire.

2) The Lord showed my roommate Sandra a picture of me jumping out of the plane and asking Jesus 'What about the parachute? Trampoline.' And he says, 'That if I will just jump, I will grow wings and fly.' A beautiful picture of trusting him amidst unknown and radical circumstances.

3) A unknown but now realized part of my heart: I desire to be led. It's not that I need a man to walk into my calling or passions, but there is a part of me as a woman that longs to be led. To be a part of someone else's ministry. To encourage and push them forward. Ahh... Yes, that's it!!!!!! I had no idea that was what my heart was truly speaking, but it's exactly right. That's why I felt like I was being abandoned. I LOVEEEE to serve my leaders, to come along side, not only in the ministry, but with service to my leaders. If you're leading me, I want to bless you in anyway that I can. I want you to be pleased. Find as much joy as you can in what we're doing.

Clarity. Phew. So last night at church I spoke to Sean really quick. He looked me in the eye and said I shouldn't email him in response to a phone call and that I can't sit on the sidelines forever. It was all with so much gentilty. So I promised to call on Tuesday... So that's been my heart. Oh Lord that I would cry out with abandon, undignified and that I would worship you. I give you back this ministry and declare that I am here to do whatever you want to with these students. They have not been abandoned. I will rise up!! Everything these students have sought for fulfillment and have found nothing but hopelessness, emptiness - You will fulfill!!! They have not been forgotten!! You have your eye on them and they need to know that they have been chosen!! They have much purpose. A destiny that must be made complete...

Have you ever heard that Tacoma is called the "City of Destiny"?

It's 10:12 p.m. on Sunday night and I have so much more to share, but not now... I just wanted to finish up this part... More to come! Love, Bethany

masa:

masa:
Originally uploaded by bethanylee.

January 8, 2007

Good Morning friends!! I thought I better write this to explain all the fancy photos!! (: If you haven't already visited, go ahead now... flickr.com/photos/bleev - Well it's kind of a long story...

Well it all began when I started working at Parkland Chevrolet... Maybe not that far, but that's when I first met Tim Shea. He's my manager and the general manager of our store. He has a girlfriend, Shannon and they've been a couple for like 15 years now!! Isn't that amazing? They both have grown children; Tim, 2 and Shannon 4 daughters. Over the past couple of years working here I have gotten to know Tim's family... They are SOO special. Tim has several sisters, tons of cousins, etc... They all come into the dealership once and awhile. It's a blast. I LOVE how much they love each other. They are so close.

This past Christmas and New Years, I worked with three of the gals who are starting a restaurant and catering business. It's been their dream, and so we talked about putting a website together. They are so passionate and full of life. CitiKitchen is their company and they did our catering for Christmas and New Years...

To bring in the new year CitiKitchen decided to host a celebration in honor of their catering service. They invited me to come along and photograph their experience. According to the card attire was listed as "Dress to Impress." Up until the day before, I had thought very little about what I was going to wear. I invited a couple of my friends to come along with me (Jennalise and Lora)..

Friday came along and Tim and I were busily completely our new year pay plans... He was up in my office and said, "CitiKitchen Tomorrow night!!" I replied that I was so excited to come. And then he said the unthinkable. "How about you go buy yourself a party dress for tomorrow night!" I was thinking, "WHAT?" and I felt my face get red... He picked up the phone and called Shannon and asked her to take me shopping to buy a dress and shoes. So we went on Friday at noon and picked out this super sparkly and cute dress. I LOVE it.

Saturday night came and the three of us got all dressed up and headed over to Puyallup. We got there early to take pictures inside the room... It was beautiful!! Little stations of themes: Winter, Hawaiian, Wine Vineyard... Ohh and ICE SCULPTURES! Prior to the actual evening events, they had the Seahawks game playing on a Projector with tailgate food!! Hotdogs, Meatballs... Mmm!!! Yummmyyy. Ohhhh and the Seahawks won by ONE POINT! Woohoo!!

The official festivities started with yummmyyyy food! Prime Rib, Fettucini Pasta, salad, potatoes, stuffed mushrooms and lots of dessert!! (: Lovely. Plus the entertainment was just a riot. Morrie (Tim's Cousin) did some cowboy poetry and another fella sang some songs on his guitars... Oh and the cutest thing! Tarrah and Shelby's daughters sang songs. (: Adorable...

Well that was the evening, plus tons of photos, a photoshoot in the bathroom. And it was sooo fun being with Tim's family. I love them.

That's all! (: Love, Bethany